We are a decade into the largest epidemic of adolescent mental illness ever recorded. It’s time we started treating social media like automobiles and firearms.
This is the type of Free Press reporting that keeps me coming back. I need to read this powerful piece more than once, but off the bat it is a plea to parents to be parents. The other adults in your children's lives, including teachers, doctors, and psychologists as well as the government and media, may be harmful to your children's health. Parenting isn't something you can do in between the "important" parts of your life. It is a job and just as when there is a medical epidemic (real, not contrived) you may need to quarantine your family, there is an epidemic of horrible ideas swirling around the world right now. Going along with the crowd is abdicating responsibility.
Susan, thanks for your comment, but truth be told, in this social climate, I'm not sure it is possible for parents to keep their children off social media. Short of living a life-below-zero existence in the Alaskan bush, the social pressure to take part is overwhelming. Kids would be turning their parents into CPS for depriving them of social media.
As Hillary famously noted, "it takes a village to raise a child." Turns out, it also takes one to eff them up.
It’s entirely possible to raise your kids and limit social media exposure. My daughter just turned 18. Starting with the oldest, none of them had smartphones til they were 16, flip phones sufficed til then. computers and phones were in public areas of our home, family room, kitchen, etc. and time on them was limited. I’m liking these young adults quite alot, very proud of all six of them.
Hi- similarly, I have 15 and 16 year old daughters and do not permit them to be on social media. They are the only one of their friends not on social media. When other parents find out our kids are not on social media- they ask how we did it. My reply is- because it’s our rule and they have to follow it. It is always amazing to me this question. I pay for their phones and make the rules in the house.
While my girls are not perfect- they are confident and happy.
I think parents can control their kids access to social media- if they want to.
They weren't wrong. But TV doesn't pose the dangers that social media does. The latter involves interactive obsessive/addictive behavior that never stops, because it responds to you, or at least seems to. It adaptively entices you by actively looking for what will get you hooked, in real time. It involves manipulating one's developing personality in a direct way that TV doesn't.
I agree there are steps you can take such as you note. I do know, however, that whereas thirty years ago you could not hide a TV in your room, it is rather easy to hide a device today. What you say about enjoying your young adults is so important. I think a lot of parents expect to be battling their young adults. No guarantees, but I believe the more time and effort you put into them when they are younger helps to get you those young adults you enjoy being with and who enjoy being with you.
In terms of limits, it also matter when they use the tech. Blue lit screens at night will interrupt body’s ability to balance hormones & neurotransmitters, making mood disorders worse.
I agree that parents are hard-pressed to keep social media away from their kids by force. Kids can outsmart anything technological their parents can do and screens are all around them. But parents can start at a young age to model and explain their values at appropriate levels. (And if I had a baby/toddler/young child, I would hesitate a great deal before introducing screens into their lives no matter how benign or educational.) Parents can from the get-go immerse themselves in communities with like-minded adults. Your kids have to love and trust you so that they value what you say and any warning you give. It can be done - not in 100% of situations, but in way more than many parents believe.
Yes, it's extremely hard but all efforts are worthwhile. We're planning on having a child soon, hopefully, and I'm already worried - that child's cousins who are under 5 play with ipads and phones during larger family dinners!
So it's not just pressure from schools and older peers but from their young friends, from aunts and uncles who'll say "oh they're being loud just give them the ipad". I've made it a point to never once comment about my sister in law's kids running around laugh-screeching during dinner, because as soon as someone does she feels so embarrassed she hands them a screen. And it works. But it works too well. Adults who care about the dangers of screen time need to be prepared to smile at the inevitable boisterousness of young people. There are only so many ways to keep a four year old quiet.
My son and his wife are expecting their first child in June. They have already requested that we (and our other children) avoid using ANY screen in the baby's presence. Including a iphone. The plan is to protect them as long as humanly possible.
Yes, this is so important. It is very daunting to fend off the real word on behalf of a teen, and it would likely have negative consequences. But outfitting them with critical thinking skills and having frequent experiences to counter the social media all throughout their childhood is the best way forward.
Yes, the only people with the will to fight this are courageous parents and conservative leaders. But they are fighting a world set up by the most powerful people in the Western world, the tech and Wall Street oligarchs (please research the World Economic Forum's leader's books) who have taken advantage of the woke universities to indoctrinate our current generation of leftist/progressive leaders.
When one understands that WEF enjoys the power "fragile" people give it, one understands the enormity of the battle we are in. WEF has no concern for the devastation Jon Haidt writes about, they are not even concerned with spiking suicide rates. Why is that? They have the power to make a difference but they simply do not care. Perhaps this devastation works for them?
Parents must turn to PragerU, and faith-based alternative media, and home school where possible. And yes, they must lay down the law early on what media their young children become engaged with.
And thanks to Greg Lukianoff's courage in exposing the benefits of cognitive-behavioral therapy. This is the foundation for curing anxiety and depression. The neuro-scientists who developed it are developing yet more advanced techniques and this is promising indeed!
Turning from one delusional "philosophy" to another equally delusional "philosophy" won't help you. In case you hadn't noticed off your own bat or been told already; the evolutionary tree of the delusion de jour goes straight back with hardly a deviation to Acts 5: 1-11.
I don't get the appeal. If the OT has one message it is "This stupid idea doesn't work." Yet vast numbers of dolts keep coming back with some new twist; same as the old twist; like a dog to its vomit.
It is yet another heretical Judaism. Rome fails; "Let's try Luther!". The Reformation fails; "Lets try Revolution!". That fails; "Let's try Socialism!"... we arrive in the Now and it is Critical Theories and 'Woke'; but it is all the same failed religion and mind vrus in drag... appropriately enough this time around. All "Social Media" and a "PC in Your Pocket" has done is accentuate and accelerate the phenomenum.
Rowling has a Witch Trial; Evergreen has a Jew Hunt; crazy eschatologies abound. Welcome to the Second Closing of the Western Mind.
No, sweetie. Keep it to yourself; for Sunday and the Pew. Don't come peddling it here.
Your kids have to love and respect you. You have to model that consistently. Trust will follow from there. Too many parents want to be liked and put their own desires to be popular over their children's needs for direction.
Exactly right. And, we are living in an "Affirmation Generation" with billions to be made on "trans" and all forces working against the family and our stressed out daughters. When will people connect the dots? I do not think that the issue is most of the parents have abdicated their responsibilities. There is an active TransCult endorsed from the Federal level via Richard/Rachael Levine and the teachers unions.
Families desperately try to shelter their girls and they try moving but it's the culture and the law now.
Outstanding point, LovingMom. Yes, parents must attempt to set limits, but we cannot ignore the massive and systematic propagation of an evil transcult ideology on our children, esp our teen girls.
Thank you, Pacificus. For instance, I am a devoted stay at home mom and our girl had a flip phone... But, other kids get this stuff on the net and propagate it. Then, teachers affirm it. And, they even bring "trans people" and drag queens into schools under DEI to talk to the kids now which is beyond what we experienced. But, at least parents are more aware at this point. It is another matter of course if an adult chooses to live that life and stays away from children with these religious ideologies about being "born into" the correct or incorrect body - you get to choose your name to be your "authentic self" - and better living through pharma and surgery.
Weird this sounds like one of those CBT issues that the author is talking about. “TransCult” seems like a generalization and something you can’t control. Maybe you should look internally about the things you can control and just have a hard conversation about what’s out in the world with your kids rather than vilifying an entire group of people that you know nothing about. Just saying.
Ava, it is by no means clear what one can control or not control,but that does not mean one does not try. And if I can have even a tiny bit of control over ending Pediatric Childhood Gnder Mutilation, I'm going to strive for it.
You have no idea what I know or do not know about "an entire group of people." So maybe you should just STFU. Just sayin.'
You probably saw this news - better late than never?
"'We were wrong': Pioneer of child sex change experiments ADMITS kids are harmed by medical 'gender-affirmation'
"The long and short of it is that the decision was made at a time when these kids were just too young to really know how they were going to make this work. And that’s not fair.""
Wow Pacificus, got pretty aggressive there didn’t you? I’m sorry did I trigger you oh wait hold on did I forget to post my content warning... I didn’t realize you were so fragile.
I think it was the words “evil trans cult ideology” that clued me in to the fact that you have no idea about trans people. Good luck with those anger issues. Again, CBT is a great thing when put in practice. Just sayin 😂
Not "fragile" at all, but when somebody presumes to tell me how to be, I come back at them twice as hard. As just happened to you.
Unlike the snowflake generation, I don't ask other people/institutions to fight my battles for me. So fragility has nothing to do with it. A pathetic attempt on your part to make a point. But personal attacks are pretty much all your side has left at this point,as the comments on this thread make increasingly clear.
True, the barbarous and cruel mutilation of children by members of an evil cult does raise my hackles a bit...but I consider that a healthy response to the outrage that is the Pediatric Gender Mutilation Complex. Anger is not always an inappropriate reaction--depends on the situation.
Perhaps someday you will understand that you are on the wrong side of this issue,and of history. Or maybe you won't.
Many parents are upset about the promotion of Trans Ideology in the schools and society as a whole - ie that one is born into a correct or incorrect body - the teaching of the GenderBread person, how a child or teen body can be "fixed" with cross sex hormones and surgeries - when they cannot possibly understand the long term consequences. When kids take up Gender Ideology they become depressed and there personalities are changed for a time - they take on new names and do not trust outsider/non-believers, etc. It is indeed very cult like. And, why should there be Drag or other sexualized performances in the schools? If a woman behaved that way in front of children people who not have it.
It is understandable that people who have not experienced this onslaught in the family are thinking only about the tiny fraction of mainly middle aged men who suffer from a sad mental disorder which we call a dysphoria. But, the "cult" has jumped to calling it "gender euphoria". It is indeed very cult like. So, there isn't a better term for it than "Transcult" - especially with medical groups, schools, pharma, tech, media, government, you-name--it - all in with the ideology surrounding all things "gender". Contrary to what Biden says, this is not a "Civil Rights" movement for a small number of people who do not want to hear that they have a mental disorder. This is way past "understanding and kindness". Society and medicine are creating a pscyh problems. I think the term for this is iatrogenic.
As I reflect on this wonderful Haidt article I see we are doing a reverse CBT number on the teens with Gender Ideology which encourages black and white thinking, ie, if I like to build things I am a boy and if I am sensitive I am a girl. Also, if you are uncomfortable with puberty you are trans. There is a wonderful chart somewhere about how all questions a teen might ask lead to "you are trans" which somehow means "trapped in the wrong body" not "diiagnosed with a mental disorder known as a dyaphoria.". Many have observed that an outsized number of Transing Teens suffer from autism. Autistic people tend toward black and white thinking just as our culture of victimhood does...
LovingMother, I’m sorry, but I do not have the time to do extensive reading that you have assigned here. However, seeing as I am a trans woman, I do have some real life experience here.
All that I was saying is that you took an article about one thing (CBT, or lack there of) and made it about a different issue. I clearly disagree with you on many of the assertions that you make above about the “tiny fraction of mainly middle aged men”, the majority of which just want to be able to navigate normal life without being accosted by every Karen that can’t handle me using the stall next to them.
It may surprise you that transitioning was a very difficult decision for me. Mainly because I was afraid of the impact it would have on those closest to me and how the outside world would treat them and me.
It also may surprise you to learn that I actually agree with you on a great many of the things that you are speaking about with regards to gender affirming care for kids. My experience has shown me that I clearly did not have the emotional intelligence or a clear understanding of the consequences of that decision at a middle or high school level for that matter. I think that most elementary age kids do not need to discuss this until it becomes relevant to them.
I believe this is a broader problem that our society has where we take very nuanced issues and apply the most simple black and white definition of bad or good. In truth these things are complex. Gun control is a great example. I just bought my first gun. Lots of craziness out there you know. Christians are armed I figure I should be too.
Anyway, I walk into the gun store and buy a gun (Springfield Hellcat 9mm, it’s pretty awesome) and I am struck not by the process of buying my innocent looking hand gun, but by the fact that there are full on military style rifles that I have no business owning. I have no idea how they work, but my process for buying that is the same as the one I just bought. I think reasonable person would say, maybe you should need to take a class for that gun? Right? Maybe? That’s not the case though. Gun rights groups are afraid of a slippery slope. They are afraid of not that gun law but the one to follow.
A similar case could be made about abortion and a great many other problems in our country. Trans people are afraid of the next law. Tennessee bans drag. What will the next law be? Arkansas bans trans people from bathrooms (which is bullshit by the way). Will they ban our hormone therapy next? My kid tells me that they are trans and I’m enlightened enough to affirm them in a social transition, can the state of Texas take my kids?
Nuance is important. You cannot take an entire group of people and put them all in a box of “transcult”. That is how people are dehumanized, which leads to treatment that is not human. This is a human rights issue. We are human whether you choose to call us women/men or not. We used to be able to agree on this basic level, but again nuance has been lost.
And by the way, I know plenty of trans men. It is not just middle aged men that transition.
Whatever. You're a guy and if you had children to worry about you would be their father. I see you side step the issues in the articles I listed by saying you do not "have time" to read them yet I got through your entire post which talked about guns and Christians? This is not making the discussion about a different issue?
You would have been born with a name like Mike or Brandon. If you prefer "Ava" that's great. Of course, you are human and I wish you a good life. But, no amount of feelings or cosmetic alterations make you a woman, and that is why I prefer the older "transexual" to the new nonsense word "transwoman". I am sorry you suffer from a psychological disorder.
The black and white thinking aspect of reverse CBT discussed in the Haidt article really struck me because autistic people have black and white thinking. Many black and white thinkers who do not suffer from the sad mental disorder that is known as gender dysphoria (again - sorry for you) slide into Gender Ideology (a cult religion about being born into bodies) through black and white thinking. In your case maybe "transition" was the best path for you and a difficult decision that you made as an adult. But, we do not need to preach Queer Theory in the schools or bring drag performances into the schools. No one cares about adults going to Drag shows.
Okay LovingMother, I went back and read your articles, which in my opinion are kid of BS based on where you are sourcing them from, but I did go back and read them. If you would allow me, I appreciate it if you read this:
Really, “whatever”?? I don’t see it as side stepping the issue. I do have a job and I do have kids. I have 2 awesome daughters. With these things come pretty significant pulls on my time. It’s different to read my post (or yours, which I did read by the way) than pursuing an endless rabbit hole of articles that you’ve assigned.
I’m glad you finally got to the part where you call me a man and the backhanded intolerance. Why do you feel sorry for me? I don’t. I love being a trans woman.
People clearly care about adults going to drag shows. Republican controlled state legislatures are rife with proposed anti-drag bills among other anti-trans legislation. Where are these school drag shows you are talking about? I’ve seen videos of kids going to drag shows with their parents and the outrage that follows this consenting parental choice. What’s the difference between taking my kids to Hooters and a drag show? I’ve seen the videos of drag queen story hour. Again a consenting parental choice. God forbid someone dresses up to read to kids in a time when kids are having historic struggles with literacy.
Did you ever see Mrs. Doubtfire? What about any of the other many movies that show men or women dressed in drag? I don’t see how anyone could watch those movies and not immediately think they are trans... (could you hear my sarcasm there???) 🙄
I really like your last sentence. But otherwise agree with Susan. If parents must pick a hill to die on, this is it. Plus once the users dry up, social media will self-police.
Bollucks. I have 10 year old twins and we have NEVER bought them an IPad or phone. We insisted on role playing, reading to them, teaching them their ABCs and I am so happy I did because all that hard work has paid off the last decade. Our kids are more mature than their peers (teacher's words) and are resilient. They know they won't get a phone with internet through us. Gab Wireless is a great option when we need to get one and when they start working at 14 { I know the horror!} They can purchase their own plan if they choose. Go against the grain, teach them personal responsibility and accountability. Here are my tips for any parent that wants it:
1) Give them routine unpaid chores.
2) Have them start managing their money at 6; purchase a wallet and put money in there from birthdays, holidays etc. And have them use it when making their purchases
3) Expose them to life events. When my father died at 59, my kids were 4 and I did not shelter them from the experience. They saw me cry and grieve. They understand life and death.
4) Tell then repeatedly that life isn't fair and it's not supposed to be. This makes them grateful for all the good they do have.
5) Implement religion or at least religious teachings of being kind to your neighbor etc.
I agree with you. But, are you going to keep them completely off of laptops and flip phones through high school? We got our girl the flip phone during high school and the laptop was for school work. She got the nonsense from other kids and the school was all over it before we knew it was a thing around 2017. I will add that she is ok now but it was a family nightmare. Ten year olds are easy... Wait for the teen years - which have never been easy... Our daughter was very easy all her life until about half way through high school.
Thank you for saying this. Most importantly - let your kids make mistakes and suffer natural consequences. By "natural" I mean not punishment that parents mete out, but shivering as a result of inadequate winter clothing. Let them get hurt, emotionally and physically. Bubble-wrapping your home and driving your kids everywhere doesn't benefit anyone.
They will get onto social media one way or another - they need to have computers for school. What will keep them grounded is the character you build when they're little.
Yes, and I know this is counter intuitive to what many parents lean into. I myself have had to work on it. But in the end I keep thinking, what kind of adult do I want them to be? Self sufficient, responsible and mentally stable. So I am really trying to foster an environment to make those things possible.
I rolled my eyes when I read "10 year olds" but I likely thought in a similar way at that stage. We read to them and our daughter is a tremendous reader & seemed very mature at age 10. I agree about money management, etc. Your advice is sound but cannot protect kids from everything in our current culture. Good luck to you. - LM
I realize that the next decade will bring it's own set of challenges but from our friend group and the issues that most of my friends are having with their children all below the age of 10; I consider us blessed. And thank you, I know I will need it to combat this culture of victimization.
I had to laugh at your comment that "Life isn't fair." Before they could read, our kids thought that was the name of the cereal because they heard us say it so often.
True enough, but if parents, now the wiser, waited until the kids were 17 r 18 to get them a smartphone (one can buy them cheapie flip phones with no internet capability will do a lot to eliminate doom scrolling.
All efforts are worthwhile. And, at the same time I agree that it takes a village to eff the kids up and there is a strong effort by the state/schools to do so. We need to take down the Trans Industrial Education Medical Complex and the "GenderBread" person ideology. I think the teen years are the most dangerous now for girls on this. Imagine anorexia taught by the state and "don't be a BulimiaPhobe". And, CPS has been weaponized against parents.
Hi LM - This link infuriated me, I have to say. It took Bradley until the age of 80 to open her mouth? Look, I'm glad she did, but at this point (and in that particular newspaper), who's going to take her seriously? Maybe she'll go on tour and the same people who insisted the truckers' convoy was a bunch of racist hooligans will have similar words for her. Forgive my cynicism. Better late than never, I suppose.
I hear you. Answer: probably no one. The Tavistock closing did not even get reported in mainstream newspapers. But, I'm glad she did it at least. Maybe someday her words can get added to a plaque at a museum on the Trans Travesty that occurred in the earlyish 21st century.
Thank you for saying that, Steven. We did everything he did as well... Smart phones at 17 - always plugged in overnight in the kitchen - not the bedroom - lots of limits. When young computer use was on the TV screen in the middle of the house for all to see.
Not him, but I cannot wait for some of these smug teachers to be affected with their children. A couple have been and have shown up on PITT - and then I do wind up feeling sorry for them even though they "affirmed" when on the other side.
You might be obsessing overmuch about Trannieism. It is just one weapon in an arsenal. Focus too much on the one issue, chances are you'll get blindsided by their next wheeze. They are a thief trying all the handles and they have been doing it a for a couple of millenia or more; this will not be an easy fight.
I’m the parent you’re telling “to parent”. We had a stay-at-home parent through my daughter’s life. Phone given to her at 15 years old with all the restrictions. Graduated high school well-adjusted, academically successful...just a great kid. After 2 years at Auburn, she was an angry progressive, depressed, suicidal stranger. She’s been in hundreds of hours of counseling but refuses to accept responsibility for her wellness. At 25, she’s isolated herself to her apartment where she works from home and plays video games every night. Zero friends. Over Christmas, we were forced to have her removed from our house after she started accusing us of decades of abuse. You can do everything right as a parent and watch society unravel your child. It’s been heartbreaking and I pray for parents everywhere.
I am sorry you are going through this. And you are correct that good parenting isn't proof against the culture. Today, I have to say that I would not send a child to college without thoroughly checking it out. Maybe Hillsdale and one or two others. I think most Americans are still naive about colleges and universities.
From what I can gather everything has been captured and everything has fallen. Least ways you'd be the better for taking it as so. The 'Gab' chap might be in large part a Xtian crackpot, but it is very probably true that we have to build our own alternatives at this juncture. "Be you not unequally yoked... Therefore come out from amongst them, and be you separate!". All credits to Paul; but it worked and the Xtians won. The ideology might be worn out and bonkers; but the strategies; tactics; and weapons still have legs yet!
Piranha, so so sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles...the modern university is a toxic cesspool of lunacy. Parents should be very wary of the large majority of them, from what I know. Time to de-fund, dismantle, and re-imagine higher ed--now.
I am sorry that you are going through this. Since your children are older than mine, I am curioua to know how much financial responsibility did your daughter have? Did she pay her own way or did she rely on you mostly?
We paid for college, which was our agreement as long as she made good grades and stayed out of trouble, which she did. She had part time jobs as well. But she wasn’t as financially independent or savvy enough, in my opinion. After graduation, her behavior has cost her multiple jobs...she complains, gossips, manipulates HR policies. She’s decided she’s the victim and aligns her actions accordingly.
Speaking from my own experience; you have to get yourself smacked really hard around the head by life and reality if things are as bad for your daughter as described. She'll either drown or swim; die of it or come back the stronger. I've seen a lot of the former; but just as much, if not more, of the latter outcomes. They tend to come more readily when the person has had a good grounding and good parents. You've done your bit and given your daughter the best odds I think.
Thanks. Interestingly, our 2 sons were raised the same way, but have stayed closer to home and are well-adjusted (for a 17 & 20 year old😀). Having this experience with our daughter feels like we’re living in an alternate reality. I tell parents to not assume an SEC school protects their children from progressive peer pressure.
Unfortunately…educated young women seem to be prone to this, imo. I’ve seen a similar dynamic happen with my younger sister, also despite a somewhat structured, „normal“ upbringing.
"I tell parents to not assume an SEC school protects their children from progressive peer pressure."
The Woke Virus has infected virtually the entire university system in the US, including those in what might be assumed to be "conservative" parts of the country. Faculty at SEC schools come from the same ideologically polluted stream as everyone else.
I am so so sorry. Most parents are doing the best they can. It sounds like you have and are, doing the best you can to raise and help your daughter. While it may be little consolation, I’m praying for your family.
I am really sorry. I have heard similar stories from other families. Young activists have in the past told me they learned at college that they had a responsibility to "hold people accountable" (for the ever expanding list of sins that Gen Z spends its time manufacturing). They practice on their parents and siblings. Who knows what these young people are really so angry about?
I take your point, Susan. But there is no school in teaching people how to become good parents (there never has been), especially when they themselves may not be well educated. This is not only a Gen Z issue of either liberal or conservative bent (which I have trouble understanding how any 16 yr old kid can fit under any political moniker so early), it involves society as whole. And when faced with the onslaught of the new technologies in a device that their kids can hide under a pillow or in a pocket, expect burdened parents living from pay check to pay check to lose whatever control they thought they had..
This is unbridled unchecked capitalism harming the most vulnerable segments of our population, and parents alone cannot solve it. Whatever platform they call themselves, from TikTok, Instagram ,Tumblir, 4chan and on and on - we live in a sea of hobbits comparing themselves negatively to the influencers, we have the aggrieved glued to the prior aggrieved, we have hostility and the passivity of the perceived powerless - and when ascribed to adults it's already bad enough. But when this reaches down to the yet unformed minds of puberty stricken youth already mired in competition, confusion and chaos - we have to deal with this as basically a controlled substance that must be regulated. Brain tissue is malleable, and we have gone too far.
This pocket sized device costs a penny or two; the money comes from... ? I expect parents living from paycheck to paycheck to have better control; not worse. I solidly agree on your second part; but your first paragraph looks like bollocks to me.
Our college freshman son lost his phone a few months ago and we could not get him a new one for over a week. He said it was the best week of his life, that he did not realize how much time he wasted on it. He needs a phone for many things at school, most importantly 2 factor authentication to get into his Canvas account (where all of his schoolwork is), but he said it was really eye opening and has changed his perspective. Said he now oftentimes leaves his phone in his dorm purposely.
I put my phone away every night before 10 and don’t retrieve it until after 7 in the morning, after waking up, showering, and getting the kids up. It’s toxic at night in the bedroom. As my chiropractor said, your bed is for two things, and one is sleep.
My son's phone fell in a river over Christmas break and he asked us not to replace it. He says it's the best decision he's made in ages. He's sleeping better, reading more books, more engaged, and generally more focused.
I have a teenage daughter. We lived in a very progressive suburb of Chicago. She was depressed, gender confused and started self harming. This was pretty common in her middle school. Nearly every kid I knew had "mental health issues" and was seeing a therapist. I listened in on her therapy sessions and I never heard them talk about CBT techniques and cognitive distortions. I know them well because I did CBT myself during a dark time in my life and I am a huge believer.
I read "The Coddling" right as covid hit and it really jumped out at me how we were using all of these reverse CBT principles to deal with covid as well. And ofc if you were to make a graph, I'm sure there would be a direct relationship between how (big L) Liberal a community is and how many reverse CBT ideas were being cultivated in that community. So I watched all of these kids in my community, including my own, become more depressed and anxious. And instead of teachers and parents helping them, they were using reverse CBT techniques themselves. "Well we are in a deadly pandemic" and "this could be over if it weren't for all the selfish conservatives who just won't wear their masks or take their vaccines" or ofc the Lorenz inspired late stage capitalism and climate change stuff.
Contextualizing was also off limits. How dare anyone tell these kids that Covid is like a cold to them when MILLIONS of ppl are dying??!! And then we told them they were selfish for meeting with friends in person or even showing their faces in public! So they all retreated to tik tok and Instagram where the algorithms drug them further into the postmodernist worldview that they have no agency, they are either oppressed or oppressors, nobody understands them and the world is full of hate.
In summer 2023 we moved to Georgia (a purple suburb of Atlanta) and my daughter started high school here. As Brian Kemp was famously the first governor to open schools, these kids missed far less school due to Covid. There is also a very obvious difference in the kids here. My husband and I keep saying it feels like the 90s when we were kids. While they can be a little bit "meaner" to each other (like in the 90s), they just seem less guarded, more confident and def less angry. And the change in my daughter had been shocking. She is 1000X more confident, doing much better in school, has not had any urge to cut herself and she even looks so much better. She's taking better care of herself. My 10yo even refers to the "old (or Illinois) ____" and "Georgia ____".
Anyways, I just wanted to share this anecdote. There are a few really smart and courageous ppl who might get us out of this mess, and Haidt and Lukianoff (along with Bari and some of her colleagues) are chief among them.
Your experience brings to mind some of the subjects in Abigail Shrier’s Irreversible Damage, which is an excellent book about today’s trans craze targeting girls. Once the trans craze took hold of a person’s daughter, the families with the highest success rate of rehabilitating their daughters were the families that were able to make drastic cross country moves in order to remove their daughters from the environment that triggered the trans craze completely.
I would love to know more about your new suburb. We were in a very dangerous school in Denver and needed to get our daughters, ages 13 and 15 out fast.
We considered moving to several different states, but couldn't take the risk of all the DEI/progressive nonsense showing up again. (I'm from the suburbs of Chicago and wanted to move back to the midwest, but I think it's getting too progressive as well.)
We ended up moving to Costa Rica for the year and the school has been a very refreshing change. It feels like the US in the 90's -- before all the schools started inculcating DEI and anxiety.
You basically stood about as your kid drowned while being the only person on the beach with a Life Saving certificate. It isn't for others to get you out of a mess while you stand about wringing your hands.
Indeed! Back in the early 1980s suddenly every child was ADD! Like the media driving the news, shrinks drive the latest and greatest disorders to treat. 🧐
They've a peculiar idea of "treat". Peculiar ideas of what is a "disorder" for that matter. DSM V might be the 'Stupidest Piece of Old Tat in Print'. Some going with the likes of the Bible about!
I'm not sure liberal v conservative really gets to it. Our HS daughter and most of her friends wouldn't necessarily think of themselves as political (liberal or conservative), but what they are being taught in school is to blame, get angry and insist people apologize if they say makes them makes you feel bad. It's the opposite of the 'sticks and stones' approach we were taught and it seems like an obvious contributor to all the anxiety and depression we are seeing. My evidence is only anecdotal, but it's really clear that they are being taught you must get angry when you hear things you don't like and insist the person who said it apologize and admit to what they did. I would imagine kids who are drawn to this approach are also more likely to be drawn to liberal causes.
Left-wing people do not view their politics as politics; they view it as "basic decency".
That is why they are so eager to restrict "political speech" - their interpretation is that this will restrict only things they disagree with and nothing they agree with.
This is true. Kids are being indoctrinated to be 'true believers' They're not allowed to or supposed to question someone's 'lived experience' or how they feel. It just becomes an absolute truth. This isn't even CRT, this is just how kids are being taught about things. It's really messed up, but it's completely taken over.
I mean, it IS critical theory. Critical theory is a set of tools for "deconstructing accepted narratives", but the tools can easily "defeat" any argument because they boil down to "my subjective truth wins!"
All that's left is to decide how to use the superweapon of emotion uber alles.
That’s why you have to tear it out by its roots and reject emotional reasoning. All philosophers and most psychologists have been saying this for centuries.
Yes, it's a form of absolutism. In leftism, only leftist orthodox philosophy (whatever it happens to be that day; it can turn on a dime) is pure and decent. *Every* other philosophy is deviant and therefore evil. It has all the characteristics of a crusade -- the believers must be converted, by force if necessary, or otherwise eliminated.
I'm with you here. Social media seem to operate for young people as competitions for attention. We have teenagers seeking the most followers for their accounts, sometimes with written posts but more often with attractive pictures of themselves at events or with popular people or looking in mirrors or wearing bikinis. If one girl has more friends or likes, she perceives herself as a winner -- and perhaps is on her way to becoming what we now call an "influencer." The Kardashians were clever enough to forge this path, profitably, long ago, but I would not want a young woman in my family to adopt such shallow goals.
The name for this is SEL. It emphasizes feelings over rational discourse, data and critical thought (not to be confused with Critical Pedagogy” or seeing through a critical Lens.
That's a good question. They are taught these ideas are beyond debate, what all good people believe, and that anyone who wants to challenge them is probably an evil racist who wants to hurt them. They feel threatened because they think they are talking to someone evil, or under the spell of evil ideas. Even questioning something like climate change will be seen as an act of violence against them. It doesn't sound real, but I've experienced it personally. And what's funny is they can be critical thinkers in other areas of their life, but challenge any of the woke doctrine ... look out.
When you realise it is just another religion, the "what's funny" is explained. Religious folk have been compartmentalising their inner loony for millenia.
I’m licensed mental health counselor who generally never agrees with anything anyone says. But this at least seems plausible. Honestly college girls seem to quit therapy the fastest when challenged to change distorted thinking. The problem is shopping around for an affirming therapist that will never do any of that is easy.
I think you’re missing the religious aspect of it though. These distortions, with woke progressives, exist by design and are maintained. Not developed outside of their awareness. Behavior change with these people is much harder because of that.
Teaching them to think logically and to question their emotional reactions is counter to the whole ideology. So first you have to grapple with the ideology before therapy can actually start. Which poses its own ethical dilemma since I can’t just go around imposing my world view on clients. So a therapist has to be very good at threading the needle through left-wing ideology enough to challenge the thinking without attempting to red pill the person.
Because of my work I follow therapists on social media and the most vocal ones on Instagram for example, are re-affirming fragility. In fact their messaging is bordering activism. It’s very frustrating to watch, but they have the highest number of followers and engagement.
Thank God for therapists like you who recognize the problem that so many others are just going along with to avoid the “mob” mentality they are now up against.
You are right, too, about the “religious” aspect—leftism/progrressivism/wokeism is a religion. Actually, it’s really a CULT and I recognize it, seeing all the characteristics, from first-hand personal experience.
One thing that has gone largely missing is real God-based religious (non-cult) faith, though. And, it’s not surprising that something else has come along to fill that void. Secularization has not helped the world anywhere that I know of.
I am a clinical psychologist. I do not know of a single colleague whose practice is controlled by fear of the woke mob. More commonly, my colleagues are not very aware that the mob exists. Most of us work in isolation, and we have been late to catch up with what academic psychologists like Jonathan Haidt knew for years regarding the increasing influence of the woke cult. Like many parents, many of us are blindsided by the experience of so many adolescent and young adult females behaving in such an aggressive and disrespectful manner towards us. These young people all exhibit unprovoked, uninhibited, destructive hostility, aggression and abusive behavioral tendencies. I don't doubt that they could also be depressed and anxious, but those are not their most obvious problems.
I generally don’t respond to snarky people who say they’ll “wait” . . . but I’ll “wait” for you to explain what your trans status has to do with this thread. Or, since my comment to someone else in a thread is not about you, preferably just take your grudge somewhere it might be relevant. You having been mistreated some way does not invalidate others’ religion or spiritual practices. Your categorical statement equating others’ religions with cultism is categorically incorrect. You believe you’re not your body’s genetic actuality, that’s your right, just as the Jesus adherent has a right to believe Jesus is his Savior whether or not you believe in Biblical lore or others’ faith. If you really wanted to debate my statement that secularization has not improved society, go ahead and do so, but don’t deflect off into tilting at windmills.
Hi Holly, first off, I am sorry for being snarky. Sometimes I can be unkind without thinking about it... I'm trying to get better at it.
With that being said. I didn't say anything about mistreatment in my post. I do get mistreated because I am trans, but that is of course my opinion and open to debate. I was making the point that people in religion tend to try to inflict their religious views and practices on others. Some people are willing to accept this and some are not. Secularization, is what allows me to say no. If we lived in a nation that did not have secularization, I would not have the "right" to my "body's genetic actuality". There are plenty of non-secularized countries that show this. Most of them are in the middle east.
I hear you, and appreciate what you've said. And, I agree that you're seeing a certain hypocrisy in your Jesus example. I don't happen to be one of those people you are referring to. But, I also don't worry about whether others believe in the literalness of the Bible stories in order to acquire and incorporate their valuable lessons in their lives. We can acquire those values in adherence to many named "religions".
My view concerning the secularization of society is a great deal broader than acceptance or not of a person's beliefs or identity, sexual or otherwise. As to your point about religious people proselytizing their beliefs, I would say there are actually few groups that do not do so. This includes people who identify themselves as the sex opposite their birth sex, people who prefer their sexual relations to be with others of their same sex, and people who are atheist, vegan, pure meat eaters, and ad infinitum. It is human nature to want to be understood, accepted and therefore to "recruit" others to one's own views or at least to explain, defend or justify them. In a certain sense, each of those belief systems are "religions" and some of them are just as fervently trying to "inflict their religious views and practices on others" as any known traditional religion (e.g. Chrisitanity, Islamism, Judaism, et al).
What those Bible stories, and tenets of other religions, teach me is that I am not the one who created life or my existence or yours or anyone's. The stories are Ego-deflating, i.e. humbling, and this is immeasurably positive, mentally and spiritually.
What I believe I observe in society today vs. my impression of mine and earlier generations is a kind of ambivalence, or irreverence for that life-force that is much bigger and greater than ourselves. What I observe among many today is dysfunctional focus on self and self-importance, an "all-about-me-ness" or a plethora of other such descriptives. It's not a new observation, and certainly not only mine. But, this is what I mean when I assert that secularization (really a shift toward self-centeredness) has not been good for society. Some people call that force God and others have other names for it, but whatever we call it, it is recognition that we ourselves are NOT it.
What cult leaders are you referring to? My point was about the secularization of society in the 30th and 21st centuries which clearly has not made the world better, for all the faults of formal religions you might cite.
I'm saying that all religions are cults. Religious people like to talk about objective truth, but on a global level objective truth varies. One person's cult is another person's religion.
So I am a trans woman. It always makes me laugh when people that believe Jesus was born to a virgin, and that he died and rose again, say with such confidence that I cannot transition. I'm real. I could be passing you on the street right now... show me the proof that any of the religious "miracles" that are put forward by religion are objective truth... I'll wait...
All a religion is is a cult gone mainstream. We've just about gotten rid of one set of loonies hell-bent on running the asylum and now we have another set of the same loonies hell-bent on similar! Barking wibble answers nothing.
I completely agree with this. I am also a therapist and find that threading that needle is complicated, precarious, and often takes a deep and established relationship for it to hit home. The internal vs external locust of control idea, however, is woven into almost all my therapeutic work because I see it as a building block to resiliency, gratitude and overall contentment in ones life, despite hardships and past traumas. I do agree that with my teen girl clients, this can be extra challenging.
I have been closely following this topic since around 2015 when my own daughter was about 13. At 3 we were told she fits diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum and she received recommended early intervention services. Mostly she has always been slightly delayed on milestones but always arrived eventually. She had occupational therapy in elementary school and she hated being singled out or being treated differently. At 13 she was dx’d with ADHD -again, all she ever desired was to fit in and be treated normally. By middle school she was coming home saying girls at her lunch table are depressed, suicidal and lesbian or transgender. Time for another intervention! I never permitted her to use tumblr and I informed her she was not permitted to sit with that group anymore or socialize with them.
As a parent for YEARS I had dealt with behavioral therapists, occupational therapists, annual IEP meetings with schools -and it sucked. I was NOT going down this road. My daughter did not need to come up with a new issue, she already had one!
As if overnight, kids, especially teen girls are self diagnosing with autism, adhd, gender dysphoria, depression, suicidal ideation. Like they’re wishing for the exact thing that caused my own kid to struggle to fit in.
The real deal, who truly struggles with being out of synch with life WANTS to be treated as “normal” as much as possible, WANTS to succeed in life with relationships, academics and independently living as an adult. It was never an identity for her. Others made it one for her and then for themselves. Even the mental health professionals and teachers -treated her as a diagnosis and did not see HER. We advocated for her and now she advocates for herself and she will never be a victim or allow anyone keep her in a box.
Her first psychiatrist recommended an lgbt group and my daughter had to inform her she wasn’t lgbt. How, when, why, did this become linked to autism spectrum/adhd?
Not sure what you mean. My theory based on being a girl in middle school and having a daughter go through middle school is it’s difficult no matter what. You have the popular girls who seem to not even go through an awkward stage. They have pretty hair, zero acne, and physically fit etc. Other girls go through the ugly duckling stage. I was one of those. But I had an outgoing and social personality. My dear daughter was both a bit of an ugly duckling and socially awkward. That makes it very difficult. She had no desire to hide, and wanted desperately to fit in but just could not make it work.
So she found a lunch table and the tribe of other misfits. It’s good to find a group. There is always some safety in numbers. But this group was very negative. My daughter was always very happy, sweet, and a bit more innocent. Coming home and suddenly telling me everyone is depressed suicidal and lgbt just did not make any sense to me. They were not hiding anything.
Also to be very clear -I did not care one bit if my daughter told me she was gay or she had a gay friend or 3 gay friends. She never claimed she was. I asked her and she said she didn’t even fully understand it all. She had crushes on boys. But I DID care they all talked regularly about suicide. These girls were DARK. They sounded miserable. It made no sense to me. I’d rather she had no friends than friends who focus on that stuff.
Now she’s at uni and has all kinds of friends, but more importantly she is living her life, enjoying her courses and activities, she lives independently in her own apartment. And like me she was a late bloomer physically -ugly duckling turned into a swan.
But it took A TON of involvement. We had regular weekly family meetings to go over everything and anything, as well as regular family activities, regular routines, dinners together. She knows we have her back no matter what. We provided stability.
I haven’t read through the article yet but from the subtitle I just had to comment. As a parent of a 6 and 9 yo without cell phones, I’d love to get a movement going where we “just say no” to phones, smartphones with social media in particular. We know they’re bad but people keep giving their kids phones cause “everyone else is doing it.” Would you give your kid some cocaine, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a loaded handgun and the keys to your vintage Porsche, then tell them to have a fun night? No, because those could be harmful. Same with smartphones.
I also host exchange students (teenagers) and to watch their inability to hold a polite conversation with an adult, and their inability to put their phone down is disturbing to say the least. Not to mention the fact that they’re still at an age where they’re not skeptical of technology companies and the data they’re collecting on you, nor the psychological effects it has on you. It’s a bad combo.
I’m constantly shocked by how many parents give into things because they don’t want their kids to feel left out. I thought our job as parents was to teach our kids to stick to their principles REGARDLESS of what everyone else is doing. It’s really bizarre how quickly we give our parental authority away to “everybody else.” Parents need to realize that not only do we have the power to set rules and say no, we have the obligation to do so. And kids want that from us, whether they consciously realize it or not. They need someone to steer the ship.
It’s not that hard to keep these devices out of your kids’ hands. Set the expectation early, reiterate it often (explaining your reasons with helpful articles like this), make it clear that there is no negotiating, and your kids will accept it. I promise. I have four kids, including 16- and 13-year-olds. They will not touch social media or smart phones until they’re adults. They know this and accept it. And they have richer, happier lives because of it. The fact that every other kid has one is too bad, but this is also teaching my kids to do what is healthy for themselves regardless of what everyone else is doing.
Yes! Our generation of parents needs to change the trend. We don't think smoking is ok anymore, we know it's harmful now. We need to collectively stop giving phones and social media accounts to children, because now we know it's harmful. How do we get some PSAs going for this cause!? :) I understand not wanting the kids to be left out and I think up to this point parents didn't realize the negative effects, so they figured what's the harm? But now we have studies and data showing harm and it's time to change the narrative. The cool kids are the ones WITHOUT phones!
I was at Target yesterday with my 4 and 6yo boys, the 6 yo sees a thing (that looks like a kid toy) as we walk by the electronic section (it's an ok google type device) and he says, can we get this? and he sorta knows what it is, and I say loudly so all those near us can hear, " NO we don't want that in our house it's just another way for the big bad government to spy on you!" We are teaching our young children about this stuff NOW so when they are at an age where other kids are trying to make them feel bad for not having something they will understand the harms. There is NOTHING good on the internet for kids....NOTHING! And it's totally disgusting that parents allow their children to post things for all to see...don't they realize that crazy perverts could be watching & getting off on seeing little kids?!?!? It's all so nuts!
Crazy paranoid person? I want to say you are a loony, but I've watched the rise of stupid on the 'net for fifteen or more years and facts trump feelings. You are just what a parent should be. More power to your elbow.
I have one child, a 12 year old daughter. She is a sixth grader at a k-8 catholic school. My husband and I are deeply connected to the school and parish community. Some of our best friends are the parents of our daughter’s classmates. We socialize together often and feel able to be honest and talk about anything related to our children. I tried so hard to convince my friends to refrain from giving smart phones to their children in the class , at least until middle school was over. It seemed like it would be so much simpler if we all just agreed on that. I had researched all the important reasons why the phones are so harmful and we had all talked about it so many times. Regardless of acknowledging the dangers many of the girls in the class now have smartphones and have been quickly pulled into that vortex. I was so disappointed and also pretty angry. For some reason they let themselves believe that all the horrible things won’t hurt their child, just someone else’s. Fortunately, the 4 girls that my daughter is closest to don’t have phones. I’m hopeful that will help her stay strong and more grounded. They actually look each other in they eye when they are talking and hang out together all the time face to face in a normal way. Absolutely no way will my daughter be getting a smartphone anytime soon. She might get a flip phone with no internet access in high school. She doesn’t even bother asking for a phone. She knows it’s just not happening.
Yeah, I’m always fascinated by the ways parents justify it, after knowing all the risks. They all insist that they found the right monitoring app, that they’re having all the right conversations, that they’re guiding their kid in developing necessary skills, etc. And later the kids all have the same problems. Some parents regret it. Others shrug their shoulders like it was inevitable. It’s not inevitable! Parents are on charge! We can keep our kids away from this stuff!
We are no longer friends with our very close friends over this very issue. When I called out that giving their 10 yr old daughter a phone with instagram, Snapchat etc. Was a terrible choice they stopped talking to us. It is what it is but I still stand strong on that opinion. And if they are that fragile about critizism, I don't want them in our friend group anyways.
There is! It’s called ScreenStrong Families. There’s a website (https://screenstrong.org) and a Facebook support group for parents who want to keep their kids off of devices. Our 7yo already knows that she won’t be allowed to have a cell phone until she starts driving places by herself around age 16. Her cousins ages 6-13 were recently all given their own iPhones and I was floored. It’s so unnecessary and harmful for young brains.
How about exploring if there's something just fundamentally wrong with liberal ideology, especially as it's been presented by increasingly fanatical leftists over the past few years? It's not just the trigger warnings and safe spaces, it's the left's complete abandonment of individual rights, due process, and equal treatment under the law.
I'm a huge fan of Haidt and Lukianoff, especially FIRE.org, but this angle seems to be off limits.
But the destruction is being facilitated by the trigger warnings , safe spaces, policing of language, etc. Young people are being spoon-fed what to think not how to think. IMO the education of those who become educators was compromised long ago. And at this point many of those people who were teens in 2013 are now entering the schools as teachers.
What is wrong with "liberal ideology" is not "liberal ideology" at all, but a melange of various flavours of collectivism in drag. Rosa Parks? Communist agitator. MLK? Speeches tricked out with Frankfurt School Critical Theorist dross written by... communists. I've looked at Roosevelt's war and the New Deal and come to the conclusion he was Stalin's bitch. This thing isn't new; they've been playing us for mugs for over a century. I can't say they were wrong either.
That “Every time I try to get ahead, something or somebody stops me.” graph is TELLING.
Some of my friends laugh at me when I say social media is the devil and toxic. I feel real bad for the younger generation today. Part of the blame goes directly to the parents who are MY age. Terrible.
Exactly! While my husband and I raised our own kids to think responsibly, I do feel my generation is responsible for the indoctrination that is happening with their children today. It is my generation’s hippies and flower-children (a cohort I never joined myself) who never really matured into the level of responsibility required to acquire a healthy “internal locus of control”. They think the two opposite loci of controls are equivalent and normal. These are the same people who believe “feelings” (THEIRS) are what really matters, not doings, happenings, attitudes. And everything outside of them makes them _feel_! So they are constantly at the effect of life rather than stepping up and causing their own lives to be happy. In my experience (72 years worth), such people tend to fall into the progressive camps as well and want government to make everything equal. They helicopter-parent their kids who live in their basements into their 30s. Their offspring are also the people who run Silicon Valley and ALL our social media, as well as news media and they do it all from their diseased external locus of control viewpoints. Their parents long ago abandoned JFK’s admonition to “Ask not what your country can do for you…” It’s all about themselves.
I’m sorry…. I could really get carried away here. Suffice to say, I appreciate what you wrote and it is such a validating relief to hear from so many like-minded others.
The absence of any discussion of the epidemic of gender transitioning among both sexes, but especially girls, is glaring and difficult to justify. Prof. Haidt discusses "gender" numerous times as a qualifier between males and females, without once mentioning the unprecedented increase in girls seeking gender TRANSITION services, first described at the U.K.'s Tavistock gender service, beginning in around 2011 and continuing to the present day. The graph shows the rise:
The U.K. is just one country. There is a worldwide epidemic of transgender identification in children and adolescents, but especially girls, abetted by the medical establishment and even the public schools, which now tell first graders that they can be the sex of their choice. The coining of a new term, "ROGD" (Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria) as the result of a study by Dr. Lisa Littman in 2018, took hold because therapists were seeing the phenomenon all over the world and recognized that a new form of social contagion was afoot.
If ever there was a bellwether for the uptick in mental illness in girls, this is it. A 5,337% increase deserves a mention, don't you think?
That's one hypothesis. Another is that he's no fool. He decided not to touch trans with a 10-foot pole because he knew he would be labeled a right-wing transphobe and lose his job, and his research would go into the trash without anyone reading it.
Professor Haidt deals in reality. "Gender Dysphoria" is a fiction; it isn't a real diagnosis. His work and the article deal with the underlying reality; not some fantasy dreamed up by the malevolent to distract from that.
The spurious rationalizations and assertions of so-called trans identity may be malevolent fantasies, but the irreversible medical mutilation of children and adolescents, mostly female, is concrete and ongoing. The numbers continue to rise. It seems to me that to ignore it completely, given the subject of the study, is irresponsible.
Tavistock is still open. As of February 2023: "One thousand children are still receiving treatment at the gender clinic, according to the Sunday Times, including prescriptions for puberty blockers for kids under 16-years-old. An additional 8,000 children are on the waiting list for the Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS)."
Furthermore, Tavistock is not planning to close permanently. It's revamping: "“The decision to decommission GIDS in a planned and managed way was taken following advice from the Independent Cass review which made clear that children’s gender services should be led by specialist children’s hospitals going forward,” the NHS said in a statement.
“The phase 1 providers will include a London-based hub led by a partnership between Great Ormond Street Hospital, Evelina London Children’s Hospital and South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust providing the specialist mental health support, and a Northwest hub led by a partnership between Alder Hey Children’s NHS Foundation Trust and the Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital.”
I don't see the gender clinics in the States closing either. What trans rights activists and doctors euphemistically refer to as "gender affirming care" is still the standard in most of the country. The Gender Mapping project (https://www.gendermapper.org/name-and-shame-doctors) shows over 400 gender clinics in North America alone.
P.S. I don't think anyone is saying that those who believe "gender affirming care" (by any definition) are suddenly changing their minds and now believing in the inherent harms to children. They may well just be moving off the 'front pages', so to say, to continue operating elsewhere under the political radar.
You might be right. But my experience has been that most people are not aware of the scope of the problem. When we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist, except for the anguished parents dealing with the issue every day. How many people read the PITT Substack? How many have even heard of it?
I talk to friends and family who sincerely believe I'm either wildly exaggerating or literally lying to them, that's how foreign and preposterous the ugly truths about gender medicalization are to them. Who could blame them?
Experts like Haidt have a responsibility to talk about this issue. He doesn't have to make it the centerpiece of his writing, but it should be there somewhere. It represents a big part of the overall puzzle of what is destroying the bodies and peace of mind of girls at the present time. It's both a symptom and a cause. Its reach is enormous, and more pernicious every day.
I too have had that experience in reactions to what I wrote to my acquaintances and an article I wrote in my Substack. E.g. people from rural districts aren't experiencing what is going on in the bigger cities, so they flat-out deny it's happening. They miss the contagion factor that comes especially with social media.
Oh I did not mean that the issue is not significant or should not be discussed. I just meant that the transgender crisis is part and parcel of the mental health crisis. I think he was explaining how that crisis occurred and is occurring. IOW the transgender crisis is an extension of the same causation.
I got that. You were saying that the trans issue is implied by the "larger" topic being discussed. And I agree with you there.
But I'm going to stand by my view that Haidt is falling down on the job. He has a responsibility to make the connection explicit. I say this because I know my liberals, and liberals don't think that being a "trans kid" or "trans teen" is a problem. They're not allowed to think that. It would be "transphobic," and they've twisted themselves in knots to avoid being seen as transphobic. Here's what they are required to believe: there's a brave and wonderful new phenomenon of "trans kids" who are coming into their own because we have created a more accepting culture through the Affirmative Model, through which they can thrive. Otherwise they would commit suicide. We don't want that, do we? Of course we don't. (Who would?)
So when Prof. Haidt refers to neurotic, anxious, depressed, mentally ill girls, he's not referring to trans kids. The other girls may be crashing and burning. But the Trans Kids are Alright.
You may know your liberals, Beeswax, but with all due respect, you don't know this one. I still think of myself as one and I believe that 'trans' anything is a monstrous problem and completely out of control. And I know many left of center people who feel the same way. This is emphatically not a blue or red issue. Try not to typecast everyone into little boxes, please.
Well, I’m very happy to hear it. I have not met any gender-critical liberals, except for the radical feminists. If I make the mistake of raising the issue, I get sheepish smiles and a quick, let’s change the subject. The liberals I know, and I know many, are shamefully ill-informed on the topic. (Could it be geographic? I’m in the northeast.)
All true about the trans kids. But don't you find this article provides a compelling rationale for that even if Haidt did not spell it out? I find it very refreshing. I like to understand why and I think these guys have hit several nails on the head. Just as it applies to the trans crisis, IMO much of it applies to many people. Teenage girls are not the only ones tied to their smart devices. And many of the older ones who did not grow up that way have embraced the use and the social media thereon to the extent that they might as well be teenage girls.
Yes, I agree, this article has a lot of merit. I'm not rejecting Haidt's research or the article as a whole. I read "Coddling" years ago, and have seen Haidt's excellent lectures about the "Righteous Mind." He's very astute and has a lot of original and good things to say. Maybe this is why his conscious decision -- I'm sure it's a choice, not an oversight...he's too smart for that -- to avoid trans altogether bothers me so much. Especially now, as kids are being escorted over the cliff in droves.
Cut the header off; leave the check boxes. In the sentence, scrub the offending word, and put in a substitute. There is a huge choice of such, unfortunately. They'll come to the conclusion it's a duck of their own accord that way.
"We are now 11 years into the largest epidemic of adolescent mental illness ever recorded" Interesting how this tends to also align itself with gender affirmation, especially amongst adolescent females. At first there was a denial that transgenderism was a form of mental illness (dysphoria). However that changed to gender affirmation medical intervention/ surgery as being the cure for dysphoria. However it turned out there is literally no scientific empirical evidence this is true; it was literally made up (practically every study done on transgenderism shows the vast majority suffering from transgenderism turn out to be either homosexual or will grow out it). The reality is one of the primary symptoms of dysphoria is depression and having suicidal tendencies, and while affirmation and medical intervention tends to cloud the depression temporarily, due to being caught up and distracted by the misguided belief they are curing themselves ( pushed by over zealous advocates), eventually the depression and suicidal tendencies return, often within 6 years of medical intervention, which is often exasperated by being abandoned and ridiculed by the transsexual community, if they start to question whether affirmation was the correct course to truly make their lives better. IOW transgenderism affirmation is unfortunately nothing more than a cruel trend, that is leaving devastated women permanently sterile due to hormone therapy and mutilated by surgery. What I found profoundly sad was most transgender men and women were most regretful because they realized they simply could never actually change their sex, that they were surgically altered to appear to be the opposite sex (and would have to take powerful drugs their entire life to continue the illusion), but it would forever be an illusion; and they will always remain the sex they were born as.
Not only are the de-transitioners ridiculed, the rest of their lives are f'ed up because they have significantly altered sex organs and functions. Not to mention potential post surgical complications.
Jordan Peterson explains that liberal progressives are the harbingers of unintended consequences. This is because most new/anti convention ideas are terrible (and fail catastrophically), that liberal progressives never take the time to analyze why things are done a certain way or what the consequences of changing them will be. That is why they emphasize intentions over unintended consequences and never, ever except the responsibility for the damage they inflict on society.
Except he needs to ditch the "liberal" bit; I don't get that. Given he bloviates about Gulags; Solzhenitsyn; and Dostoevsky given the slightest opportunity; he should know full well this is straight-up Communist or adjacent shite and nothing at all to do with liberalism apart from a stolen and shabby coat.
I’m not sure fighting fire with fire will work in this case. The popular culture must relegate social media and the constant need for acknowledgment by anonymous peers to the same relevance kids always view what their parents generation does. IOW, our kids need to associate constant attention to phones and social media like alcoholism, racism, domestic violence...you know; “something old people do”
Until that shift in perception happens (and it will) we do what parents have always done: “Just say no” with obvious mixed results. 😂
If that actually were the case we'd have all... I was going to say "be dead."; but more like never born. Parenting this way actually works. We ourselves are the proof of this.
The unholy marriage of harmful products made by corporations and harmful policies made by government is damaging society. Our weak and compromised president won’t even ban ccp TikTok, which is digital opoum. Gen Z and all of us are under assault from the WEF Wehrmacht. See it for what it is and take measures to protect you and your loved ones from their bullets: https://yuribezmenov.substack.com/p/how-to-save-private-ryan
This is the type of Free Press reporting that keeps me coming back. I need to read this powerful piece more than once, but off the bat it is a plea to parents to be parents. The other adults in your children's lives, including teachers, doctors, and psychologists as well as the government and media, may be harmful to your children's health. Parenting isn't something you can do in between the "important" parts of your life. It is a job and just as when there is a medical epidemic (real, not contrived) you may need to quarantine your family, there is an epidemic of horrible ideas swirling around the world right now. Going along with the crowd is abdicating responsibility.
Susan, thanks for your comment, but truth be told, in this social climate, I'm not sure it is possible for parents to keep their children off social media. Short of living a life-below-zero existence in the Alaskan bush, the social pressure to take part is overwhelming. Kids would be turning their parents into CPS for depriving them of social media.
As Hillary famously noted, "it takes a village to raise a child." Turns out, it also takes one to eff them up.
It’s entirely possible to raise your kids and limit social media exposure. My daughter just turned 18. Starting with the oldest, none of them had smartphones til they were 16, flip phones sufficed til then. computers and phones were in public areas of our home, family room, kitchen, etc. and time on them was limited. I’m liking these young adults quite alot, very proud of all six of them.
Hi- similarly, I have 15 and 16 year old daughters and do not permit them to be on social media. They are the only one of their friends not on social media. When other parents find out our kids are not on social media- they ask how we did it. My reply is- because it’s our rule and they have to follow it. It is always amazing to me this question. I pay for their phones and make the rules in the house.
While my girls are not perfect- they are confident and happy.
I think parents can control their kids access to social media- if they want to.
People said the same to me about TV.
They weren't wrong. But TV doesn't pose the dangers that social media does. The latter involves interactive obsessive/addictive behavior that never stops, because it responds to you, or at least seems to. It adaptively entices you by actively looking for what will get you hooked, in real time. It involves manipulating one's developing personality in a direct way that TV doesn't.
I agree there are steps you can take such as you note. I do know, however, that whereas thirty years ago you could not hide a TV in your room, it is rather easy to hide a device today. What you say about enjoying your young adults is so important. I think a lot of parents expect to be battling their young adults. No guarantees, but I believe the more time and effort you put into them when they are younger helps to get you those young adults you enjoy being with and who enjoy being with you.
The money for this several hundred dollar device comes from the Bank of Mum and Dad; so that is a thunderingly stupid thing to say.
In terms of limits, it also matter when they use the tech. Blue lit screens at night will interrupt body’s ability to balance hormones & neurotransmitters, making mood disorders worse.
What is your political affiliation?
Bravo to both of you for keeping your kids off social media.
Age 16 was the original "age of consent" for the Internet as proposed in 1996. It's been a long fall from then.
I agree that parents are hard-pressed to keep social media away from their kids by force. Kids can outsmart anything technological their parents can do and screens are all around them. But parents can start at a young age to model and explain their values at appropriate levels. (And if I had a baby/toddler/young child, I would hesitate a great deal before introducing screens into their lives no matter how benign or educational.) Parents can from the get-go immerse themselves in communities with like-minded adults. Your kids have to love and trust you so that they value what you say and any warning you give. It can be done - not in 100% of situations, but in way more than many parents believe.
Yes, it's extremely hard but all efforts are worthwhile. We're planning on having a child soon, hopefully, and I'm already worried - that child's cousins who are under 5 play with ipads and phones during larger family dinners!
So it's not just pressure from schools and older peers but from their young friends, from aunts and uncles who'll say "oh they're being loud just give them the ipad". I've made it a point to never once comment about my sister in law's kids running around laugh-screeching during dinner, because as soon as someone does she feels so embarrassed she hands them a screen. And it works. But it works too well. Adults who care about the dangers of screen time need to be prepared to smile at the inevitable boisterousness of young people. There are only so many ways to keep a four year old quiet.
My son and his wife are expecting their first child in June. They have already requested that we (and our other children) avoid using ANY screen in the baby's presence. Including a iphone. The plan is to protect them as long as humanly possible.
so no photos?
Yes, this is so important. It is very daunting to fend off the real word on behalf of a teen, and it would likely have negative consequences. But outfitting them with critical thinking skills and having frequent experiences to counter the social media all throughout their childhood is the best way forward.
Yes, the only people with the will to fight this are courageous parents and conservative leaders. But they are fighting a world set up by the most powerful people in the Western world, the tech and Wall Street oligarchs (please research the World Economic Forum's leader's books) who have taken advantage of the woke universities to indoctrinate our current generation of leftist/progressive leaders.
When one understands that WEF enjoys the power "fragile" people give it, one understands the enormity of the battle we are in. WEF has no concern for the devastation Jon Haidt writes about, they are not even concerned with spiking suicide rates. Why is that? They have the power to make a difference but they simply do not care. Perhaps this devastation works for them?
Parents must turn to PragerU, and faith-based alternative media, and home school where possible. And yes, they must lay down the law early on what media their young children become engaged with.
And thanks to Greg Lukianoff's courage in exposing the benefits of cognitive-behavioral therapy. This is the foundation for curing anxiety and depression. The neuro-scientists who developed it are developing yet more advanced techniques and this is promising indeed!
Turning from one delusional "philosophy" to another equally delusional "philosophy" won't help you. In case you hadn't noticed off your own bat or been told already; the evolutionary tree of the delusion de jour goes straight back with hardly a deviation to Acts 5: 1-11.
I don't get the appeal. If the OT has one message it is "This stupid idea doesn't work." Yet vast numbers of dolts keep coming back with some new twist; same as the old twist; like a dog to its vomit.
It is yet another heretical Judaism. Rome fails; "Let's try Luther!". The Reformation fails; "Lets try Revolution!". That fails; "Let's try Socialism!"... we arrive in the Now and it is Critical Theories and 'Woke'; but it is all the same failed religion and mind vrus in drag... appropriately enough this time around. All "Social Media" and a "PC in Your Pocket" has done is accentuate and accelerate the phenomenum.
Rowling has a Witch Trial; Evergreen has a Jew Hunt; crazy eschatologies abound. Welcome to the Second Closing of the Western Mind.
No, sweetie. Keep it to yourself; for Sunday and the Pew. Don't come peddling it here.
Your kids have to love and respect you. You have to model that consistently. Trust will follow from there. Too many parents want to be liked and put their own desires to be popular over their children's needs for direction.
Exactly right. And, we are living in an "Affirmation Generation" with billions to be made on "trans" and all forces working against the family and our stressed out daughters. When will people connect the dots? I do not think that the issue is most of the parents have abdicated their responsibilities. There is an active TransCult endorsed from the Federal level via Richard/Rachael Levine and the teachers unions.
Families desperately try to shelter their girls and they try moving but it's the culture and the law now.
https://pitt.substack.com/p/what-happens-when-schools-follow
https://pitt.substack.com/p/affirmation-generation-an-original
https://pitt.substack.com/p/the-standard-clinic-experience-self
Transing is a multi-billion dollar industry with tremendous expected growth made over girls:
https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/us-sex-reassignment-surgery-market
Outstanding point, LovingMom. Yes, parents must attempt to set limits, but we cannot ignore the massive and systematic propagation of an evil transcult ideology on our children, esp our teen girls.
Thank you, Pacificus. For instance, I am a devoted stay at home mom and our girl had a flip phone... But, other kids get this stuff on the net and propagate it. Then, teachers affirm it. And, they even bring "trans people" and drag queens into schools under DEI to talk to the kids now which is beyond what we experienced. But, at least parents are more aware at this point. It is another matter of course if an adult chooses to live that life and stays away from children with these religious ideologies about being "born into" the correct or incorrect body - you get to choose your name to be your "authentic self" - and better living through pharma and surgery.
Weird this sounds like one of those CBT issues that the author is talking about. “TransCult” seems like a generalization and something you can’t control. Maybe you should look internally about the things you can control and just have a hard conversation about what’s out in the world with your kids rather than vilifying an entire group of people that you know nothing about. Just saying.
Ava, it is by no means clear what one can control or not control,but that does not mean one does not try. And if I can have even a tiny bit of control over ending Pediatric Childhood Gnder Mutilation, I'm going to strive for it.
You have no idea what I know or do not know about "an entire group of people." So maybe you should just STFU. Just sayin.'
Good for you.
You probably saw this news - better late than never?
"'We were wrong': Pioneer of child sex change experiments ADMITS kids are harmed by medical 'gender-affirmation'
"The long and short of it is that the decision was made at a time when these kids were just too young to really know how they were going to make this work. And that’s not fair.""
https://thepostmillennial.com/we-were-wrong-pioneer-of-child-sex-change-experiments-admits-kids-are-harmed-by-medical-gender-affirmation
Wow Pacificus, got pretty aggressive there didn’t you? I’m sorry did I trigger you oh wait hold on did I forget to post my content warning... I didn’t realize you were so fragile.
I think it was the words “evil trans cult ideology” that clued me in to the fact that you have no idea about trans people. Good luck with those anger issues. Again, CBT is a great thing when put in practice. Just sayin 😂
Not "fragile" at all, but when somebody presumes to tell me how to be, I come back at them twice as hard. As just happened to you.
Unlike the snowflake generation, I don't ask other people/institutions to fight my battles for me. So fragility has nothing to do with it. A pathetic attempt on your part to make a point. But personal attacks are pretty much all your side has left at this point,as the comments on this thread make increasingly clear.
True, the barbarous and cruel mutilation of children by members of an evil cult does raise my hackles a bit...but I consider that a healthy response to the outrage that is the Pediatric Gender Mutilation Complex. Anger is not always an inappropriate reaction--depends on the situation.
Perhaps someday you will understand that you are on the wrong side of this issue,and of history. Or maybe you won't.
Transing is a multi-billion dollar industry with tremendous expected growth made over girls: https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/us-sex-reassignment-surgery-market
So, no surprise - given the profits - that it is so "supported".
Please read the words of transsexual author Corinna Cohn: https://corinnacohn.substack.com/p/the-medical-leash-of-hormone-replacement
There are a great many industries that are profitable. One of them is cancer drugs. Does that mean that we should stop making them?
Many parents are upset about the promotion of Trans Ideology in the schools and society as a whole - ie that one is born into a correct or incorrect body - the teaching of the GenderBread person, how a child or teen body can be "fixed" with cross sex hormones and surgeries - when they cannot possibly understand the long term consequences. When kids take up Gender Ideology they become depressed and there personalities are changed for a time - they take on new names and do not trust outsider/non-believers, etc. It is indeed very cult like. And, why should there be Drag or other sexualized performances in the schools? If a woman behaved that way in front of children people who not have it.
It is understandable that people who have not experienced this onslaught in the family are thinking only about the tiny fraction of mainly middle aged men who suffer from a sad mental disorder which we call a dysphoria. But, the "cult" has jumped to calling it "gender euphoria". It is indeed very cult like. So, there isn't a better term for it than "Transcult" - especially with medical groups, schools, pharma, tech, media, government, you-name--it - all in with the ideology surrounding all things "gender". Contrary to what Biden says, this is not a "Civil Rights" movement for a small number of people who do not want to hear that they have a mental disorder. This is way past "understanding and kindness". Society and medicine are creating a pscyh problems. I think the term for this is iatrogenic.
As I reflect on this wonderful Haidt article I see we are doing a reverse CBT number on the teens with Gender Ideology which encourages black and white thinking, ie, if I like to build things I am a boy and if I am sensitive I am a girl. Also, if you are uncomfortable with puberty you are trans. There is a wonderful chart somewhere about how all questions a teen might ask lead to "you are trans" which somehow means "trapped in the wrong body" not "diiagnosed with a mental disorder known as a dyaphoria.". Many have observed that an outsized number of Transing Teens suffer from autism. Autistic people tend toward black and white thinking just as our culture of victimhood does...
LovingMother, I’m sorry, but I do not have the time to do extensive reading that you have assigned here. However, seeing as I am a trans woman, I do have some real life experience here.
All that I was saying is that you took an article about one thing (CBT, or lack there of) and made it about a different issue. I clearly disagree with you on many of the assertions that you make above about the “tiny fraction of mainly middle aged men”, the majority of which just want to be able to navigate normal life without being accosted by every Karen that can’t handle me using the stall next to them.
It may surprise you that transitioning was a very difficult decision for me. Mainly because I was afraid of the impact it would have on those closest to me and how the outside world would treat them and me.
It also may surprise you to learn that I actually agree with you on a great many of the things that you are speaking about with regards to gender affirming care for kids. My experience has shown me that I clearly did not have the emotional intelligence or a clear understanding of the consequences of that decision at a middle or high school level for that matter. I think that most elementary age kids do not need to discuss this until it becomes relevant to them.
I believe this is a broader problem that our society has where we take very nuanced issues and apply the most simple black and white definition of bad or good. In truth these things are complex. Gun control is a great example. I just bought my first gun. Lots of craziness out there you know. Christians are armed I figure I should be too.
Anyway, I walk into the gun store and buy a gun (Springfield Hellcat 9mm, it’s pretty awesome) and I am struck not by the process of buying my innocent looking hand gun, but by the fact that there are full on military style rifles that I have no business owning. I have no idea how they work, but my process for buying that is the same as the one I just bought. I think reasonable person would say, maybe you should need to take a class for that gun? Right? Maybe? That’s not the case though. Gun rights groups are afraid of a slippery slope. They are afraid of not that gun law but the one to follow.
A similar case could be made about abortion and a great many other problems in our country. Trans people are afraid of the next law. Tennessee bans drag. What will the next law be? Arkansas bans trans people from bathrooms (which is bullshit by the way). Will they ban our hormone therapy next? My kid tells me that they are trans and I’m enlightened enough to affirm them in a social transition, can the state of Texas take my kids?
Nuance is important. You cannot take an entire group of people and put them all in a box of “transcult”. That is how people are dehumanized, which leads to treatment that is not human. This is a human rights issue. We are human whether you choose to call us women/men or not. We used to be able to agree on this basic level, but again nuance has been lost.
And by the way, I know plenty of trans men. It is not just middle aged men that transition.
Whatever. You're a guy and if you had children to worry about you would be their father. I see you side step the issues in the articles I listed by saying you do not "have time" to read them yet I got through your entire post which talked about guns and Christians? This is not making the discussion about a different issue?
You would have been born with a name like Mike or Brandon. If you prefer "Ava" that's great. Of course, you are human and I wish you a good life. But, no amount of feelings or cosmetic alterations make you a woman, and that is why I prefer the older "transexual" to the new nonsense word "transwoman". I am sorry you suffer from a psychological disorder.
The black and white thinking aspect of reverse CBT discussed in the Haidt article really struck me because autistic people have black and white thinking. Many black and white thinkers who do not suffer from the sad mental disorder that is known as gender dysphoria (again - sorry for you) slide into Gender Ideology (a cult religion about being born into bodies) through black and white thinking. In your case maybe "transition" was the best path for you and a difficult decision that you made as an adult. But, we do not need to preach Queer Theory in the schools or bring drag performances into the schools. No one cares about adults going to Drag shows.
Okay LovingMother, I went back and read your articles, which in my opinion are kid of BS based on where you are sourcing them from, but I did go back and read them. If you would allow me, I appreciate it if you read this:
https://open.substack.com/pub/erininthemorn/p/debunked-no-80-of-trans-youth-do?r=1wxapi&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Really, “whatever”?? I don’t see it as side stepping the issue. I do have a job and I do have kids. I have 2 awesome daughters. With these things come pretty significant pulls on my time. It’s different to read my post (or yours, which I did read by the way) than pursuing an endless rabbit hole of articles that you’ve assigned.
I’m glad you finally got to the part where you call me a man and the backhanded intolerance. Why do you feel sorry for me? I don’t. I love being a trans woman.
People clearly care about adults going to drag shows. Republican controlled state legislatures are rife with proposed anti-drag bills among other anti-trans legislation. Where are these school drag shows you are talking about? I’ve seen videos of kids going to drag shows with their parents and the outrage that follows this consenting parental choice. What’s the difference between taking my kids to Hooters and a drag show? I’ve seen the videos of drag queen story hour. Again a consenting parental choice. God forbid someone dresses up to read to kids in a time when kids are having historic struggles with literacy.
Did you ever see Mrs. Doubtfire? What about any of the other many movies that show men or women dressed in drag? I don’t see how anyone could watch those movies and not immediately think they are trans... (could you hear my sarcasm there???) 🙄
I really like your last sentence. But otherwise agree with Susan. If parents must pick a hill to die on, this is it. Plus once the users dry up, social media will self-police.
Totally agree-
I don't think the users will dry up though.
Bollucks. I have 10 year old twins and we have NEVER bought them an IPad or phone. We insisted on role playing, reading to them, teaching them their ABCs and I am so happy I did because all that hard work has paid off the last decade. Our kids are more mature than their peers (teacher's words) and are resilient. They know they won't get a phone with internet through us. Gab Wireless is a great option when we need to get one and when they start working at 14 { I know the horror!} They can purchase their own plan if they choose. Go against the grain, teach them personal responsibility and accountability. Here are my tips for any parent that wants it:
1) Give them routine unpaid chores.
2) Have them start managing their money at 6; purchase a wallet and put money in there from birthdays, holidays etc. And have them use it when making their purchases
3) Expose them to life events. When my father died at 59, my kids were 4 and I did not shelter them from the experience. They saw me cry and grieve. They understand life and death.
4) Tell then repeatedly that life isn't fair and it's not supposed to be. This makes them grateful for all the good they do have.
5) Implement religion or at least religious teachings of being kind to your neighbor etc.
I agree with you. But, are you going to keep them completely off of laptops and flip phones through high school? We got our girl the flip phone during high school and the laptop was for school work. She got the nonsense from other kids and the school was all over it before we knew it was a thing around 2017. I will add that she is ok now but it was a family nightmare. Ten year olds are easy... Wait for the teen years - which have never been easy... Our daughter was very easy all her life until about half way through high school.
Thank you for saying this. Most importantly - let your kids make mistakes and suffer natural consequences. By "natural" I mean not punishment that parents mete out, but shivering as a result of inadequate winter clothing. Let them get hurt, emotionally and physically. Bubble-wrapping your home and driving your kids everywhere doesn't benefit anyone.
They will get onto social media one way or another - they need to have computers for school. What will keep them grounded is the character you build when they're little.
Yes, and I know this is counter intuitive to what many parents lean into. I myself have had to work on it. But in the end I keep thinking, what kind of adult do I want them to be? Self sufficient, responsible and mentally stable. So I am really trying to foster an environment to make those things possible.
And removing the Transcult.
I rolled my eyes when I read "10 year olds" but I likely thought in a similar way at that stage. We read to them and our daughter is a tremendous reader & seemed very mature at age 10. I agree about money management, etc. Your advice is sound but cannot protect kids from everything in our current culture. Good luck to you. - LM
I realize that the next decade will bring it's own set of challenges but from our friend group and the issues that most of my friends are having with their children all below the age of 10; I consider us blessed. And thank you, I know I will need it to combat this culture of victimization.
It’s the most difficult job there is, being a parent.
It doesn’t come with a rule book and no one can tell you how to do it.
But we sure know what it looks like when we see it done right, or wrong.
I agree with you.
Absolutely.
I had to laugh at your comment that "Life isn't fair." Before they could read, our kids thought that was the name of the cereal because they heard us say it so often.
Hahaha now that's funny!
My parents said that to us so I said that to our kids... :)
It's a great expression - but difficult when the society surrounding us (and the schools) are in opposition to the family culture.
Religion? You can't fight daft with more daft, chuck.
True enough, but if parents, now the wiser, waited until the kids were 17 r 18 to get them a smartphone (one can buy them cheapie flip phones with no internet capability will do a lot to eliminate doom scrolling.
I agree - even though it didn't protect my girl.
All efforts are worthwhile. And, at the same time I agree that it takes a village to eff the kids up and there is a strong effort by the state/schools to do so. We need to take down the Trans Industrial Education Medical Complex and the "GenderBread" person ideology. I think the teen years are the most dangerous now for girls on this. Imagine anorexia taught by the state and "don't be a BulimiaPhobe". And, CPS has been weaponized against parents.
Then there's this published today: https://thepostmillennial.com/we-were-wrong-pioneer-of-child-sex-change-experiments-admits-kids-are-harmed-by-medical-gender-affirmation
I find it ironic that the clinic was shut down by Trans-activists for not providing "gender-affirming" care.
Right? :-0 So crazy.
Hi LM - This link infuriated me, I have to say. It took Bradley until the age of 80 to open her mouth? Look, I'm glad she did, but at this point (and in that particular newspaper), who's going to take her seriously? Maybe she'll go on tour and the same people who insisted the truckers' convoy was a bunch of racist hooligans will have similar words for her. Forgive my cynicism. Better late than never, I suppose.
I hear you. Answer: probably no one. The Tavistock closing did not even get reported in mainstream newspapers. But, I'm glad she did it at least. Maybe someday her words can get added to a plaque at a museum on the Trans Travesty that occurred in the earlyish 21st century.
Chuck; they'll come for you anyway. You've a daft handle for Death Ground; at this point it is fight or fuck off, sorry.
Thank you for saying that, Steven. We did everything he did as well... Smart phones at 17 - always plugged in overnight in the kitchen - not the bedroom - lots of limits. When young computer use was on the TV screen in the middle of the house for all to see.
Not him, but I cannot wait for some of these smug teachers to be affected with their children. A couple have been and have shown up on PITT - and then I do wind up feeling sorry for them even though they "affirmed" when on the other side.
You might be obsessing overmuch about Trannieism. It is just one weapon in an arsenal. Focus too much on the one issue, chances are you'll get blindsided by their next wheeze. They are a thief trying all the handles and they have been doing it a for a couple of millenia or more; this will not be an easy fight.
Probably right. But, it has to be taken down.
A virtual village, that is
I’m the parent you’re telling “to parent”. We had a stay-at-home parent through my daughter’s life. Phone given to her at 15 years old with all the restrictions. Graduated high school well-adjusted, academically successful...just a great kid. After 2 years at Auburn, she was an angry progressive, depressed, suicidal stranger. She’s been in hundreds of hours of counseling but refuses to accept responsibility for her wellness. At 25, she’s isolated herself to her apartment where she works from home and plays video games every night. Zero friends. Over Christmas, we were forced to have her removed from our house after she started accusing us of decades of abuse. You can do everything right as a parent and watch society unravel your child. It’s been heartbreaking and I pray for parents everywhere.
I am sorry you are going through this. And you are correct that good parenting isn't proof against the culture. Today, I have to say that I would not send a child to college without thoroughly checking it out. Maybe Hillsdale and one or two others. I think most Americans are still naive about colleges and universities.
From what I can gather everything has been captured and everything has fallen. Least ways you'd be the better for taking it as so. The 'Gab' chap might be in large part a Xtian crackpot, but it is very probably true that we have to build our own alternatives at this juncture. "Be you not unequally yoked... Therefore come out from amongst them, and be you separate!". All credits to Paul; but it worked and the Xtians won. The ideology might be worn out and bonkers; but the strategies; tactics; and weapons still have legs yet!
Piranha, so so sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles...the modern university is a toxic cesspool of lunacy. Parents should be very wary of the large majority of them, from what I know. Time to de-fund, dismantle, and re-imagine higher ed--now.
I am sorry that you are going through this. Since your children are older than mine, I am curioua to know how much financial responsibility did your daughter have? Did she pay her own way or did she rely on you mostly?
We paid for college, which was our agreement as long as she made good grades and stayed out of trouble, which she did. She had part time jobs as well. But she wasn’t as financially independent or savvy enough, in my opinion. After graduation, her behavior has cost her multiple jobs...she complains, gossips, manipulates HR policies. She’s decided she’s the victim and aligns her actions accordingly.
Speaking from my own experience; you have to get yourself smacked really hard around the head by life and reality if things are as bad for your daughter as described. She'll either drown or swim; die of it or come back the stronger. I've seen a lot of the former; but just as much, if not more, of the latter outcomes. They tend to come more readily when the person has had a good grounding and good parents. You've done your bit and given your daughter the best odds I think.
Hopefully she will one day wake up and the switch will go off that she has to make better decisions. I am sorry that you are going through this.
I am so sorry that the child you nurtured has become an enemy.
Thanks. Interestingly, our 2 sons were raised the same way, but have stayed closer to home and are well-adjusted (for a 17 & 20 year old😀). Having this experience with our daughter feels like we’re living in an alternate reality. I tell parents to not assume an SEC school protects their children from progressive peer pressure.
Unfortunately…educated young women seem to be prone to this, imo. I’ve seen a similar dynamic happen with my younger sister, also despite a somewhat structured, „normal“ upbringing.
There is good reason the word "hysteria" has the linguistic root it does.
"I tell parents to not assume an SEC school protects their children from progressive peer pressure."
The Woke Virus has infected virtually the entire university system in the US, including those in what might be assumed to be "conservative" parts of the country. Faculty at SEC schools come from the same ideologically polluted stream as everyone else.
I am so so sorry. Most parents are doing the best they can. It sounds like you have and are, doing the best you can to raise and help your daughter. While it may be little consolation, I’m praying for your family.
Damn. Heartbreaking.
How dreadful for you
So sorry
I am really sorry. I have heard similar stories from other families. Young activists have in the past told me they learned at college that they had a responsibility to "hold people accountable" (for the ever expanding list of sins that Gen Z spends its time manufacturing). They practice on their parents and siblings. Who knows what these young people are really so angry about?
Beautifully said, Susan
I take your point, Susan. But there is no school in teaching people how to become good parents (there never has been), especially when they themselves may not be well educated. This is not only a Gen Z issue of either liberal or conservative bent (which I have trouble understanding how any 16 yr old kid can fit under any political moniker so early), it involves society as whole. And when faced with the onslaught of the new technologies in a device that their kids can hide under a pillow or in a pocket, expect burdened parents living from pay check to pay check to lose whatever control they thought they had..
This is unbridled unchecked capitalism harming the most vulnerable segments of our population, and parents alone cannot solve it. Whatever platform they call themselves, from TikTok, Instagram ,Tumblir, 4chan and on and on - we live in a sea of hobbits comparing themselves negatively to the influencers, we have the aggrieved glued to the prior aggrieved, we have hostility and the passivity of the perceived powerless - and when ascribed to adults it's already bad enough. But when this reaches down to the yet unformed minds of puberty stricken youth already mired in competition, confusion and chaos - we have to deal with this as basically a controlled substance that must be regulated. Brain tissue is malleable, and we have gone too far.
This pocket sized device costs a penny or two; the money comes from... ? I expect parents living from paycheck to paycheck to have better control; not worse. I solidly agree on your second part; but your first paragraph looks like bollocks to me.
This is a reprint of Haidt's substack. I read it last week.
I think Bari made that quite clear. Besides; this needs the widest audience possible and should be repeated everywhere by everyone.
Our college freshman son lost his phone a few months ago and we could not get him a new one for over a week. He said it was the best week of his life, that he did not realize how much time he wasted on it. He needs a phone for many things at school, most importantly 2 factor authentication to get into his Canvas account (where all of his schoolwork is), but he said it was really eye opening and has changed his perspective. Said he now oftentimes leaves his phone in his dorm purposely.
An old style Flip Phone will allow texts and 2 factor authentication. That's my compromise.
Great comment.
Lucky! Wish ours would lose his phone and make this discovery on his own.
You can always "lose" it for them. "Oh dear; how sad; nevermind"
I put my phone away every night before 10 and don’t retrieve it until after 7 in the morning, after waking up, showering, and getting the kids up. It’s toxic at night in the bedroom. As my chiropractor said, your bed is for two things, and one is sleep.
If you've a chiropractor, you might be doing the second thing a tad wrong. :-)
I like being manhandled ... or woman-handled, in this case ;-)
My son's phone fell in a river over Christmas break and he asked us not to replace it. He says it's the best decision he's made in ages. He's sleeping better, reading more books, more engaged, and generally more focused.
I have a teenage daughter. We lived in a very progressive suburb of Chicago. She was depressed, gender confused and started self harming. This was pretty common in her middle school. Nearly every kid I knew had "mental health issues" and was seeing a therapist. I listened in on her therapy sessions and I never heard them talk about CBT techniques and cognitive distortions. I know them well because I did CBT myself during a dark time in my life and I am a huge believer.
I read "The Coddling" right as covid hit and it really jumped out at me how we were using all of these reverse CBT principles to deal with covid as well. And ofc if you were to make a graph, I'm sure there would be a direct relationship between how (big L) Liberal a community is and how many reverse CBT ideas were being cultivated in that community. So I watched all of these kids in my community, including my own, become more depressed and anxious. And instead of teachers and parents helping them, they were using reverse CBT techniques themselves. "Well we are in a deadly pandemic" and "this could be over if it weren't for all the selfish conservatives who just won't wear their masks or take their vaccines" or ofc the Lorenz inspired late stage capitalism and climate change stuff.
Contextualizing was also off limits. How dare anyone tell these kids that Covid is like a cold to them when MILLIONS of ppl are dying??!! And then we told them they were selfish for meeting with friends in person or even showing their faces in public! So they all retreated to tik tok and Instagram where the algorithms drug them further into the postmodernist worldview that they have no agency, they are either oppressed or oppressors, nobody understands them and the world is full of hate.
In summer 2023 we moved to Georgia (a purple suburb of Atlanta) and my daughter started high school here. As Brian Kemp was famously the first governor to open schools, these kids missed far less school due to Covid. There is also a very obvious difference in the kids here. My husband and I keep saying it feels like the 90s when we were kids. While they can be a little bit "meaner" to each other (like in the 90s), they just seem less guarded, more confident and def less angry. And the change in my daughter had been shocking. She is 1000X more confident, doing much better in school, has not had any urge to cut herself and she even looks so much better. She's taking better care of herself. My 10yo even refers to the "old (or Illinois) ____" and "Georgia ____".
Anyways, I just wanted to share this anecdote. There are a few really smart and courageous ppl who might get us out of this mess, and Haidt and Lukianoff (along with Bari and some of her colleagues) are chief among them.
Your experience brings to mind some of the subjects in Abigail Shrier’s Irreversible Damage, which is an excellent book about today’s trans craze targeting girls. Once the trans craze took hold of a person’s daughter, the families with the highest success rate of rehabilitating their daughters were the families that were able to make drastic cross country moves in order to remove their daughters from the environment that triggered the trans craze completely.
Yes, excellent book. Well researched.
Pretty sure your “anecdote” is mirrored all over the country. 😉 Thanks!
I would love to know more about your new suburb. We were in a very dangerous school in Denver and needed to get our daughters, ages 13 and 15 out fast.
We considered moving to several different states, but couldn't take the risk of all the DEI/progressive nonsense showing up again. (I'm from the suburbs of Chicago and wanted to move back to the midwest, but I think it's getting too progressive as well.)
We ended up moving to Costa Rica for the year and the school has been a very refreshing change. It feels like the US in the 90's -- before all the schools started inculcating DEI and anxiety.
Oops summer 2022 we moved not 2023
Wanna cookie or summat?
You basically stood about as your kid drowned while being the only person on the beach with a Life Saving certificate. It isn't for others to get you out of a mess while you stand about wringing your hands.
Climate anxiety, gender anxiety, racial anxiety, body dysmorphia, social anxiety- is anyone surprised?
Indeed! Back in the early 1980s suddenly every child was ADD! Like the media driving the news, shrinks drive the latest and greatest disorders to treat. 🧐
They've a peculiar idea of "treat". Peculiar ideas of what is a "disorder" for that matter. DSM V might be the 'Stupidest Piece of Old Tat in Print'. Some going with the likes of the Bible about!
I'm not sure liberal v conservative really gets to it. Our HS daughter and most of her friends wouldn't necessarily think of themselves as political (liberal or conservative), but what they are being taught in school is to blame, get angry and insist people apologize if they say makes them makes you feel bad. It's the opposite of the 'sticks and stones' approach we were taught and it seems like an obvious contributor to all the anxiety and depression we are seeing. My evidence is only anecdotal, but it's really clear that they are being taught you must get angry when you hear things you don't like and insist the person who said it apologize and admit to what they did. I would imagine kids who are drawn to this approach are also more likely to be drawn to liberal causes.
Left-wing people do not view their politics as politics; they view it as "basic decency".
That is why they are so eager to restrict "political speech" - their interpretation is that this will restrict only things they disagree with and nothing they agree with.
This is true. Kids are being indoctrinated to be 'true believers' They're not allowed to or supposed to question someone's 'lived experience' or how they feel. It just becomes an absolute truth. This isn't even CRT, this is just how kids are being taught about things. It's really messed up, but it's completely taken over.
I mean, it IS critical theory. Critical theory is a set of tools for "deconstructing accepted narratives", but the tools can easily "defeat" any argument because they boil down to "my subjective truth wins!"
All that's left is to decide how to use the superweapon of emotion uber alles.
That’s why you have to tear it out by its roots and reject emotional reasoning. All philosophers and most psychologists have been saying this for centuries.
Yes, it's a form of absolutism. In leftism, only leftist orthodox philosophy (whatever it happens to be that day; it can turn on a dime) is pure and decent. *Every* other philosophy is deviant and therefore evil. It has all the characteristics of a crusade -- the believers must be converted, by force if necessary, or otherwise eliminated.
It's right out of Stalin's playbook.
Weird, I could have sworn you were describing every religion everywhere.
It's out of a toddler's playbook. These people are simply adolescents.
I'm with you here. Social media seem to operate for young people as competitions for attention. We have teenagers seeking the most followers for their accounts, sometimes with written posts but more often with attractive pictures of themselves at events or with popular people or looking in mirrors or wearing bikinis. If one girl has more friends or likes, she perceives herself as a winner -- and perhaps is on her way to becoming what we now call an "influencer." The Kardashians were clever enough to forge this path, profitably, long ago, but I would not want a young woman in my family to adopt such shallow goals.
The name for this is SEL. It emphasizes feelings over rational discourse, data and critical thought (not to be confused with Critical Pedagogy” or seeing through a critical Lens.
Nope, Critical Pedagogy is more of the same; Frankfurt School bullshit. It's in the fucking NAME.
What are you babbling about? Critical thinking has nothing to do with Critical Pedagogy beyond using the word "critical".
Remembering that anger is a secondary action, what part of the teen does the teen think is being threatened?
That's a good question. They are taught these ideas are beyond debate, what all good people believe, and that anyone who wants to challenge them is probably an evil racist who wants to hurt them. They feel threatened because they think they are talking to someone evil, or under the spell of evil ideas. Even questioning something like climate change will be seen as an act of violence against them. It doesn't sound real, but I've experienced it personally. And what's funny is they can be critical thinkers in other areas of their life, but challenge any of the woke doctrine ... look out.
When you realise it is just another religion, the "what's funny" is explained. Religious folk have been compartmentalising their inner loony for millenia.
I’m licensed mental health counselor who generally never agrees with anything anyone says. But this at least seems plausible. Honestly college girls seem to quit therapy the fastest when challenged to change distorted thinking. The problem is shopping around for an affirming therapist that will never do any of that is easy.
I think you’re missing the religious aspect of it though. These distortions, with woke progressives, exist by design and are maintained. Not developed outside of their awareness. Behavior change with these people is much harder because of that.
Teaching them to think logically and to question their emotional reactions is counter to the whole ideology. So first you have to grapple with the ideology before therapy can actually start. Which poses its own ethical dilemma since I can’t just go around imposing my world view on clients. So a therapist has to be very good at threading the needle through left-wing ideology enough to challenge the thinking without attempting to red pill the person.
Because of my work I follow therapists on social media and the most vocal ones on Instagram for example, are re-affirming fragility. In fact their messaging is bordering activism. It’s very frustrating to watch, but they have the highest number of followers and engagement.
Thank God for therapists like you who recognize the problem that so many others are just going along with to avoid the “mob” mentality they are now up against.
You are right, too, about the “religious” aspect—leftism/progrressivism/wokeism is a religion. Actually, it’s really a CULT and I recognize it, seeing all the characteristics, from first-hand personal experience.
One thing that has gone largely missing is real God-based religious (non-cult) faith, though. And, it’s not surprising that something else has come along to fill that void. Secularization has not helped the world anywhere that I know of.
i agree about religion , i would disagree that some secular values and beliefs are needed to soften the dogmatic aspects of religion
I am a clinical psychologist. I do not know of a single colleague whose practice is controlled by fear of the woke mob. More commonly, my colleagues are not very aware that the mob exists. Most of us work in isolation, and we have been late to catch up with what academic psychologists like Jonathan Haidt knew for years regarding the increasing influence of the woke cult. Like many parents, many of us are blindsided by the experience of so many adolescent and young adult females behaving in such an aggressive and disrespectful manner towards us. These young people all exhibit unprovoked, uninhibited, destructive hostility, aggression and abusive behavioral tendencies. I don't doubt that they could also be depressed and anxious, but those are not their most obvious problems.
I love this line, “one thing that has gone missing is real God-based religious (non-cult) faith” said one cult leader to another... lol
I generally don’t respond to snarky people who say they’ll “wait” . . . but I’ll “wait” for you to explain what your trans status has to do with this thread. Or, since my comment to someone else in a thread is not about you, preferably just take your grudge somewhere it might be relevant. You having been mistreated some way does not invalidate others’ religion or spiritual practices. Your categorical statement equating others’ religions with cultism is categorically incorrect. You believe you’re not your body’s genetic actuality, that’s your right, just as the Jesus adherent has a right to believe Jesus is his Savior whether or not you believe in Biblical lore or others’ faith. If you really wanted to debate my statement that secularization has not improved society, go ahead and do so, but don’t deflect off into tilting at windmills.
Hi Holly, first off, I am sorry for being snarky. Sometimes I can be unkind without thinking about it... I'm trying to get better at it.
With that being said. I didn't say anything about mistreatment in my post. I do get mistreated because I am trans, but that is of course my opinion and open to debate. I was making the point that people in religion tend to try to inflict their religious views and practices on others. Some people are willing to accept this and some are not. Secularization, is what allows me to say no. If we lived in a nation that did not have secularization, I would not have the "right" to my "body's genetic actuality". There are plenty of non-secularized countries that show this. Most of them are in the middle east.
I hear you, and appreciate what you've said. And, I agree that you're seeing a certain hypocrisy in your Jesus example. I don't happen to be one of those people you are referring to. But, I also don't worry about whether others believe in the literalness of the Bible stories in order to acquire and incorporate their valuable lessons in their lives. We can acquire those values in adherence to many named "religions".
My view concerning the secularization of society is a great deal broader than acceptance or not of a person's beliefs or identity, sexual or otherwise. As to your point about religious people proselytizing their beliefs, I would say there are actually few groups that do not do so. This includes people who identify themselves as the sex opposite their birth sex, people who prefer their sexual relations to be with others of their same sex, and people who are atheist, vegan, pure meat eaters, and ad infinitum. It is human nature to want to be understood, accepted and therefore to "recruit" others to one's own views or at least to explain, defend or justify them. In a certain sense, each of those belief systems are "religions" and some of them are just as fervently trying to "inflict their religious views and practices on others" as any known traditional religion (e.g. Chrisitanity, Islamism, Judaism, et al).
What those Bible stories, and tenets of other religions, teach me is that I am not the one who created life or my existence or yours or anyone's. The stories are Ego-deflating, i.e. humbling, and this is immeasurably positive, mentally and spiritually.
What I believe I observe in society today vs. my impression of mine and earlier generations is a kind of ambivalence, or irreverence for that life-force that is much bigger and greater than ourselves. What I observe among many today is dysfunctional focus on self and self-importance, an "all-about-me-ness" or a plethora of other such descriptives. It's not a new observation, and certainly not only mine. But, this is what I mean when I assert that secularization (really a shift toward self-centeredness) has not been good for society. Some people call that force God and others have other names for it, but whatever we call it, it is recognition that we ourselves are NOT it.
What cult leaders are you referring to? My point was about the secularization of society in the 30th and 21st centuries which clearly has not made the world better, for all the faults of formal religions you might cite.
I'm saying that all religions are cults. Religious people like to talk about objective truth, but on a global level objective truth varies. One person's cult is another person's religion.
So I am a trans woman. It always makes me laugh when people that believe Jesus was born to a virgin, and that he died and rose again, say with such confidence that I cannot transition. I'm real. I could be passing you on the street right now... show me the proof that any of the religious "miracles" that are put forward by religion are objective truth... I'll wait...
All a religion is is a cult gone mainstream. We've just about gotten rid of one set of loonies hell-bent on running the asylum and now we have another set of the same loonies hell-bent on similar! Barking wibble answers nothing.
I completely agree with this. I am also a therapist and find that threading that needle is complicated, precarious, and often takes a deep and established relationship for it to hit home. The internal vs external locust of control idea, however, is woven into almost all my therapeutic work because I see it as a building block to resiliency, gratitude and overall contentment in ones life, despite hardships and past traumas. I do agree that with my teen girl clients, this can be extra challenging.
There's your problem; you put on your own straight-jacket before you start "helping". You don't get a cookie for being neither use nor ornament.
I have been closely following this topic since around 2015 when my own daughter was about 13. At 3 we were told she fits diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum and she received recommended early intervention services. Mostly she has always been slightly delayed on milestones but always arrived eventually. She had occupational therapy in elementary school and she hated being singled out or being treated differently. At 13 she was dx’d with ADHD -again, all she ever desired was to fit in and be treated normally. By middle school she was coming home saying girls at her lunch table are depressed, suicidal and lesbian or transgender. Time for another intervention! I never permitted her to use tumblr and I informed her she was not permitted to sit with that group anymore or socialize with them.
As a parent for YEARS I had dealt with behavioral therapists, occupational therapists, annual IEP meetings with schools -and it sucked. I was NOT going down this road. My daughter did not need to come up with a new issue, she already had one!
As if overnight, kids, especially teen girls are self diagnosing with autism, adhd, gender dysphoria, depression, suicidal ideation. Like they’re wishing for the exact thing that caused my own kid to struggle to fit in.
The real deal, who truly struggles with being out of synch with life WANTS to be treated as “normal” as much as possible, WANTS to succeed in life with relationships, academics and independently living as an adult. It was never an identity for her. Others made it one for her and then for themselves. Even the mental health professionals and teachers -treated her as a diagnosis and did not see HER. We advocated for her and now she advocates for herself and she will never be a victim or allow anyone keep her in a box.
Her first psychiatrist recommended an lgbt group and my daughter had to inform her she wasn’t lgbt. How, when, why, did this become linked to autism spectrum/adhd?
It pisses me off.
Is it a struggle to fit in or a place to hide?
I think the latter may be more of an issue than people may be willing to admit.
Not sure what you mean. My theory based on being a girl in middle school and having a daughter go through middle school is it’s difficult no matter what. You have the popular girls who seem to not even go through an awkward stage. They have pretty hair, zero acne, and physically fit etc. Other girls go through the ugly duckling stage. I was one of those. But I had an outgoing and social personality. My dear daughter was both a bit of an ugly duckling and socially awkward. That makes it very difficult. She had no desire to hide, and wanted desperately to fit in but just could not make it work.
So she found a lunch table and the tribe of other misfits. It’s good to find a group. There is always some safety in numbers. But this group was very negative. My daughter was always very happy, sweet, and a bit more innocent. Coming home and suddenly telling me everyone is depressed suicidal and lgbt just did not make any sense to me. They were not hiding anything.
Also to be very clear -I did not care one bit if my daughter told me she was gay or she had a gay friend or 3 gay friends. She never claimed she was. I asked her and she said she didn’t even fully understand it all. She had crushes on boys. But I DID care they all talked regularly about suicide. These girls were DARK. They sounded miserable. It made no sense to me. I’d rather she had no friends than friends who focus on that stuff.
Now she’s at uni and has all kinds of friends, but more importantly she is living her life, enjoying her courses and activities, she lives independently in her own apartment. And like me she was a late bloomer physically -ugly duckling turned into a swan.
But it took A TON of involvement. We had regular weekly family meetings to go over everything and anything, as well as regular family activities, regular routines, dinners together. She knows we have her back no matter what. We provided stability.
Is what a struggle or place to hide?
I would LOVE for Tik Tok to get banned, PLEASE make it so.
Why?
Because it’s garbage.
And that means we should ban it?
It's beyond toxic.
And run/owned by CCP.
I haven’t read through the article yet but from the subtitle I just had to comment. As a parent of a 6 and 9 yo without cell phones, I’d love to get a movement going where we “just say no” to phones, smartphones with social media in particular. We know they’re bad but people keep giving their kids phones cause “everyone else is doing it.” Would you give your kid some cocaine, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a loaded handgun and the keys to your vintage Porsche, then tell them to have a fun night? No, because those could be harmful. Same with smartphones.
I also host exchange students (teenagers) and to watch their inability to hold a polite conversation with an adult, and their inability to put their phone down is disturbing to say the least. Not to mention the fact that they’re still at an age where they’re not skeptical of technology companies and the data they’re collecting on you, nor the psychological effects it has on you. It’s a bad combo.
I’m constantly shocked by how many parents give into things because they don’t want their kids to feel left out. I thought our job as parents was to teach our kids to stick to their principles REGARDLESS of what everyone else is doing. It’s really bizarre how quickly we give our parental authority away to “everybody else.” Parents need to realize that not only do we have the power to set rules and say no, we have the obligation to do so. And kids want that from us, whether they consciously realize it or not. They need someone to steer the ship.
It’s not that hard to keep these devices out of your kids’ hands. Set the expectation early, reiterate it often (explaining your reasons with helpful articles like this), make it clear that there is no negotiating, and your kids will accept it. I promise. I have four kids, including 16- and 13-year-olds. They will not touch social media or smart phones until they’re adults. They know this and accept it. And they have richer, happier lives because of it. The fact that every other kid has one is too bad, but this is also teaching my kids to do what is healthy for themselves regardless of what everyone else is doing.
Yes! Our generation of parents needs to change the trend. We don't think smoking is ok anymore, we know it's harmful now. We need to collectively stop giving phones and social media accounts to children, because now we know it's harmful. How do we get some PSAs going for this cause!? :) I understand not wanting the kids to be left out and I think up to this point parents didn't realize the negative effects, so they figured what's the harm? But now we have studies and data showing harm and it's time to change the narrative. The cool kids are the ones WITHOUT phones!
I was at Target yesterday with my 4 and 6yo boys, the 6 yo sees a thing (that looks like a kid toy) as we walk by the electronic section (it's an ok google type device) and he says, can we get this? and he sorta knows what it is, and I say loudly so all those near us can hear, " NO we don't want that in our house it's just another way for the big bad government to spy on you!" We are teaching our young children about this stuff NOW so when they are at an age where other kids are trying to make them feel bad for not having something they will understand the harms. There is NOTHING good on the internet for kids....NOTHING! And it's totally disgusting that parents allow their children to post things for all to see...don't they realize that crazy perverts could be watching & getting off on seeing little kids?!?!? It's all so nuts!
Crazy paranoid person? I want to say you are a loony, but I've watched the rise of stupid on the 'net for fifteen or more years and facts trump feelings. You are just what a parent should be. More power to your elbow.
I have one child, a 12 year old daughter. She is a sixth grader at a k-8 catholic school. My husband and I are deeply connected to the school and parish community. Some of our best friends are the parents of our daughter’s classmates. We socialize together often and feel able to be honest and talk about anything related to our children. I tried so hard to convince my friends to refrain from giving smart phones to their children in the class , at least until middle school was over. It seemed like it would be so much simpler if we all just agreed on that. I had researched all the important reasons why the phones are so harmful and we had all talked about it so many times. Regardless of acknowledging the dangers many of the girls in the class now have smartphones and have been quickly pulled into that vortex. I was so disappointed and also pretty angry. For some reason they let themselves believe that all the horrible things won’t hurt their child, just someone else’s. Fortunately, the 4 girls that my daughter is closest to don’t have phones. I’m hopeful that will help her stay strong and more grounded. They actually look each other in they eye when they are talking and hang out together all the time face to face in a normal way. Absolutely no way will my daughter be getting a smartphone anytime soon. She might get a flip phone with no internet access in high school. She doesn’t even bother asking for a phone. She knows it’s just not happening.
Yeah, I’m always fascinated by the ways parents justify it, after knowing all the risks. They all insist that they found the right monitoring app, that they’re having all the right conversations, that they’re guiding their kid in developing necessary skills, etc. And later the kids all have the same problems. Some parents regret it. Others shrug their shoulders like it was inevitable. It’s not inevitable! Parents are on charge! We can keep our kids away from this stuff!
We are no longer friends with our very close friends over this very issue. When I called out that giving their 10 yr old daughter a phone with instagram, Snapchat etc. Was a terrible choice they stopped talking to us. It is what it is but I still stand strong on that opinion. And if they are that fragile about critizism, I don't want them in our friend group anyways.
She knows it’s just not happening and WHY.
There is! It’s called ScreenStrong Families. There’s a website (https://screenstrong.org) and a Facebook support group for parents who want to keep their kids off of devices. Our 7yo already knows that she won’t be allowed to have a cell phone until she starts driving places by herself around age 16. Her cousins ages 6-13 were recently all given their own iPhones and I was floored. It’s so unnecessary and harmful for young brains.
How about exploring if there's something just fundamentally wrong with liberal ideology, especially as it's been presented by increasingly fanatical leftists over the past few years? It's not just the trigger warnings and safe spaces, it's the left's complete abandonment of individual rights, due process, and equal treatment under the law.
I'm a huge fan of Haidt and Lukianoff, especially FIRE.org, but this angle seems to be off limits.
But the destruction is being facilitated by the trigger warnings , safe spaces, policing of language, etc. Young people are being spoon-fed what to think not how to think. IMO the education of those who become educators was compromised long ago. And at this point many of those people who were teens in 2013 are now entering the schools as teachers.
What is wrong with "liberal ideology" is not "liberal ideology" at all, but a melange of various flavours of collectivism in drag. Rosa Parks? Communist agitator. MLK? Speeches tricked out with Frankfurt School Critical Theorist dross written by... communists. I've looked at Roosevelt's war and the New Deal and come to the conclusion he was Stalin's bitch. This thing isn't new; they've been playing us for mugs for over a century. I can't say they were wrong either.
That “Every time I try to get ahead, something or somebody stops me.” graph is TELLING.
Some of my friends laugh at me when I say social media is the devil and toxic. I feel real bad for the younger generation today. Part of the blame goes directly to the parents who are MY age. Terrible.
Exactly! While my husband and I raised our own kids to think responsibly, I do feel my generation is responsible for the indoctrination that is happening with their children today. It is my generation’s hippies and flower-children (a cohort I never joined myself) who never really matured into the level of responsibility required to acquire a healthy “internal locus of control”. They think the two opposite loci of controls are equivalent and normal. These are the same people who believe “feelings” (THEIRS) are what really matters, not doings, happenings, attitudes. And everything outside of them makes them _feel_! So they are constantly at the effect of life rather than stepping up and causing their own lives to be happy. In my experience (72 years worth), such people tend to fall into the progressive camps as well and want government to make everything equal. They helicopter-parent their kids who live in their basements into their 30s. Their offspring are also the people who run Silicon Valley and ALL our social media, as well as news media and they do it all from their diseased external locus of control viewpoints. Their parents long ago abandoned JFK’s admonition to “Ask not what your country can do for you…” It’s all about themselves.
I’m sorry…. I could really get carried away here. Suffice to say, I appreciate what you wrote and it is such a validating relief to hear from so many like-minded others.
Yesterday's hippies have become today's authoritarians.
Jane Fonda has always been that.
Not fond'a Jane, myself. 😏
Carried away? You are calm, collected, and correct from where I'm sitting.
Yeah, I think SM is a tool of Satan. I’m not sure Satan exists, and Jon Haidt certainly doesn’t believe in Satan, but I’m open :)
Satan was God's DA. Your thinking of the Devil, Belial, a different figment of the imagination altogether. :-)
The absence of any discussion of the epidemic of gender transitioning among both sexes, but especially girls, is glaring and difficult to justify. Prof. Haidt discusses "gender" numerous times as a qualifier between males and females, without once mentioning the unprecedented increase in girls seeking gender TRANSITION services, first described at the U.K.'s Tavistock gender service, beginning in around 2011 and continuing to the present day. The graph shows the rise:
"The total number of referrals for 2018/19 in England alone is 624 boys and 1,740 girls. In less than a decade there has been a 1,460% increase in referrals of boys and a staggering 5,337% increase in girls." https://www.transgendertrend.com/surge-referral-rates-girls-tavistock-continues-rise/
The U.K. is just one country. There is a worldwide epidemic of transgender identification in children and adolescents, but especially girls, abetted by the medical establishment and even the public schools, which now tell first graders that they can be the sex of their choice. The coining of a new term, "ROGD" (Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria) as the result of a study by Dr. Lisa Littman in 2018, took hold because therapists were seeing the phenomenon all over the world and recognized that a new form of social contagion was afoot.
If ever there was a bellwether for the uptick in mental illness in girls, this is it. A 5,337% increase deserves a mention, don't you think?
And yet, the Gender Affirmation treatments continue. This is the new Opiate Crisis evolving.
more like lobotomy mania
He won’t really touch it and I believe it’s probably because he has someone in his circle that’s’trans’. So he can’t go there.
That's one hypothesis. Another is that he's no fool. He decided not to touch trans with a 10-foot pole because he knew he would be labeled a right-wing transphobe and lose his job, and his research would go into the trash without anyone reading it.
Good point.
Professor Haidt deals in reality. "Gender Dysphoria" is a fiction; it isn't a real diagnosis. His work and the article deal with the underlying reality; not some fantasy dreamed up by the malevolent to distract from that.
The spurious rationalizations and assertions of so-called trans identity may be malevolent fantasies, but the irreversible medical mutilation of children and adolescents, mostly female, is concrete and ongoing. The numbers continue to rise. It seems to me that to ignore it completely, given the subject of the study, is irresponsible.
I think Tavistock is (thankfully) closing this Spring. I hope all those in the States do likewise, and post haste!
Tavistock is still open. As of February 2023: "One thousand children are still receiving treatment at the gender clinic, according to the Sunday Times, including prescriptions for puberty blockers for kids under 16-years-old. An additional 8,000 children are on the waiting list for the Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS)."
Furthermore, Tavistock is not planning to close permanently. It's revamping: "“The decision to decommission GIDS in a planned and managed way was taken following advice from the Independent Cass review which made clear that children’s gender services should be led by specialist children’s hospitals going forward,” the NHS said in a statement.
“The phase 1 providers will include a London-based hub led by a partnership between Great Ormond Street Hospital, Evelina London Children’s Hospital and South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust providing the specialist mental health support, and a Northwest hub led by a partnership between Alder Hey Children’s NHS Foundation Trust and the Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital.”
https://dailycaller.com/2023/02/20/gender-clinic-london-tavistock-puberty-blockers-kids-shut-down/
I don't see the gender clinics in the States closing either. What trans rights activists and doctors euphemistically refer to as "gender affirming care" is still the standard in most of the country. The Gender Mapping project (https://www.gendermapper.org/name-and-shame-doctors) shows over 400 gender clinics in North America alone.
Speculation may be all over the map (e.g. https://segm.org/UK_shuts-down-worlds-biggest-gender-clinic-for-kids), so it will be interesting to see who really does what.
P.S. I don't think anyone is saying that those who believe "gender affirming care" (by any definition) are suddenly changing their minds and now believing in the inherent harms to children. They may well just be moving off the 'front pages', so to say, to continue operating elsewhere under the political radar.
That’s what I assume will happen. They won’t go down without a fight.
I'm glad someone else picked up on that; and didn't just fall for the misleading headlines being carried by various scummy outlets.
I think it went without saying.
You might be right. But my experience has been that most people are not aware of the scope of the problem. When we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist, except for the anguished parents dealing with the issue every day. How many people read the PITT Substack? How many have even heard of it?
I talk to friends and family who sincerely believe I'm either wildly exaggerating or literally lying to them, that's how foreign and preposterous the ugly truths about gender medicalization are to them. Who could blame them?
Experts like Haidt have a responsibility to talk about this issue. He doesn't have to make it the centerpiece of his writing, but it should be there somewhere. It represents a big part of the overall puzzle of what is destroying the bodies and peace of mind of girls at the present time. It's both a symptom and a cause. Its reach is enormous, and more pernicious every day.
I too have had that experience in reactions to what I wrote to my acquaintances and an article I wrote in my Substack. E.g. people from rural districts aren't experiencing what is going on in the bigger cities, so they flat-out deny it's happening. They miss the contagion factor that comes especially with social media.
Oh I did not mean that the issue is not significant or should not be discussed. I just meant that the transgender crisis is part and parcel of the mental health crisis. I think he was explaining how that crisis occurred and is occurring. IOW the transgender crisis is an extension of the same causation.
I got that. You were saying that the trans issue is implied by the "larger" topic being discussed. And I agree with you there.
But I'm going to stand by my view that Haidt is falling down on the job. He has a responsibility to make the connection explicit. I say this because I know my liberals, and liberals don't think that being a "trans kid" or "trans teen" is a problem. They're not allowed to think that. It would be "transphobic," and they've twisted themselves in knots to avoid being seen as transphobic. Here's what they are required to believe: there's a brave and wonderful new phenomenon of "trans kids" who are coming into their own because we have created a more accepting culture through the Affirmative Model, through which they can thrive. Otherwise they would commit suicide. We don't want that, do we? Of course we don't. (Who would?)
So when Prof. Haidt refers to neurotic, anxious, depressed, mentally ill girls, he's not referring to trans kids. The other girls may be crashing and burning. But the Trans Kids are Alright.
You may know your liberals, Beeswax, but with all due respect, you don't know this one. I still think of myself as one and I believe that 'trans' anything is a monstrous problem and completely out of control. And I know many left of center people who feel the same way. This is emphatically not a blue or red issue. Try not to typecast everyone into little boxes, please.
Well, I’m very happy to hear it. I have not met any gender-critical liberals, except for the radical feminists. If I make the mistake of raising the issue, I get sheepish smiles and a quick, let’s change the subject. The liberals I know, and I know many, are shamefully ill-informed on the topic. (Could it be geographic? I’m in the northeast.)
All these kids are at risk for suicide, regardless of their "gender" crisis. That's what the Gender Affirmation people won't tell you.
And it will be years before we see meaningful data on that.
All true about the trans kids. But don't you find this article provides a compelling rationale for that even if Haidt did not spell it out? I find it very refreshing. I like to understand why and I think these guys have hit several nails on the head. Just as it applies to the trans crisis, IMO much of it applies to many people. Teenage girls are not the only ones tied to their smart devices. And many of the older ones who did not grow up that way have embraced the use and the social media thereon to the extent that they might as well be teenage girls.
Yes, I agree, this article has a lot of merit. I'm not rejecting Haidt's research or the article as a whole. I read "Coddling" years ago, and have seen Haidt's excellent lectures about the "Righteous Mind." He's very astute and has a lot of original and good things to say. Maybe this is why his conscious decision -- I'm sure it's a choice, not an oversight...he's too smart for that -- to avoid trans altogether bothers me so much. Especially now, as kids are being escorted over the cliff in droves.
Cut the header off; leave the check boxes. In the sentence, scrub the offending word, and put in a substitute. There is a huge choice of such, unfortunately. They'll come to the conclusion it's a duck of their own accord that way.
"We are now 11 years into the largest epidemic of adolescent mental illness ever recorded" Interesting how this tends to also align itself with gender affirmation, especially amongst adolescent females. At first there was a denial that transgenderism was a form of mental illness (dysphoria). However that changed to gender affirmation medical intervention/ surgery as being the cure for dysphoria. However it turned out there is literally no scientific empirical evidence this is true; it was literally made up (practically every study done on transgenderism shows the vast majority suffering from transgenderism turn out to be either homosexual or will grow out it). The reality is one of the primary symptoms of dysphoria is depression and having suicidal tendencies, and while affirmation and medical intervention tends to cloud the depression temporarily, due to being caught up and distracted by the misguided belief they are curing themselves ( pushed by over zealous advocates), eventually the depression and suicidal tendencies return, often within 6 years of medical intervention, which is often exasperated by being abandoned and ridiculed by the transsexual community, if they start to question whether affirmation was the correct course to truly make their lives better. IOW transgenderism affirmation is unfortunately nothing more than a cruel trend, that is leaving devastated women permanently sterile due to hormone therapy and mutilated by surgery. What I found profoundly sad was most transgender men and women were most regretful because they realized they simply could never actually change their sex, that they were surgically altered to appear to be the opposite sex (and would have to take powerful drugs their entire life to continue the illusion), but it would forever be an illusion; and they will always remain the sex they were born as.
Not only are the de-transitioners ridiculed, the rest of their lives are f'ed up because they have significantly altered sex organs and functions. Not to mention potential post surgical complications.
Jordan Peterson explains that liberal progressives are the harbingers of unintended consequences. This is because most new/anti convention ideas are terrible (and fail catastrophically), that liberal progressives never take the time to analyze why things are done a certain way or what the consequences of changing them will be. That is why they emphasize intentions over unintended consequences and never, ever except the responsibility for the damage they inflict on society.
Peterson is brilliant.
He sure is. This is such an interesting way of describing one of the main issues at the root of this completely ridiculous situation.
Except he needs to ditch the "liberal" bit; I don't get that. Given he bloviates about Gulags; Solzhenitsyn; and Dostoevsky given the slightest opportunity; he should know full well this is straight-up Communist or adjacent shite and nothing at all to do with liberalism apart from a stolen and shabby coat.
Thanks for this, Bari. First rate piece, by a first rate mind(s).
Yes. Academia. Defund, dismantle and radically re-imagine it--now.
I’m not sure fighting fire with fire will work in this case. The popular culture must relegate social media and the constant need for acknowledgment by anonymous peers to the same relevance kids always view what their parents generation does. IOW, our kids need to associate constant attention to phones and social media like alcoholism, racism, domestic violence...you know; “something old people do”
Until that shift in perception happens (and it will) we do what parents have always done: “Just say no” with obvious mixed results. 😂
If that actually were the case we'd have all... I was going to say "be dead."; but more like never born. Parenting this way actually works. We ourselves are the proof of this.
Sorry, I’ve read your reply a few times and I don’t understand what you are saying.
I wholeheartedly agree.
STANDING OVATION!!! BRAVO JON HAIDT!
And BRAVO GREG LUKIANOFF! I love Jon Haidt, but people keep forgetting this whole topic is THEIR baby, they did it together.
Just saw this, more and more people are noticing. https://thedailybs.com/2023/03/13/analysis-ok-doomer-the-leftist-ideas-fueling-the-youth-mental-health-crisis/?utm_campaign=james&utm_content=3-13-23%20SOE%20PM&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_source=Get%20response&utm_term=email
The unholy marriage of harmful products made by corporations and harmful policies made by government is damaging society. Our weak and compromised president won’t even ban ccp TikTok, which is digital opoum. Gen Z and all of us are under assault from the WEF Wehrmacht. See it for what it is and take measures to protect you and your loved ones from their bullets: https://yuribezmenov.substack.com/p/how-to-save-private-ryan