I have had more or less the exact same kind of life as the author (I am from Los Angeles, grew up very poor, lived in and out of cars/was homeless, had unstable teen parents, lived on my own at 16, am mixed race Asian-white), except I’m 35, a woman, didn’t join the military and earned both of my degrees at a mediocre state school.
The first and seconds points you make are the most important, while I believe the rest are mostly subjective. One thing growing up hard and fast taught me very quickly was that in the end, the only things that matter are the things that you have done. You can tell someone that you love them until you’re blue in the face but how you treat them is all that matters and all that they will remember.
“You can tell someone that you love them until you’re blue in the face but how you treat them is all that matters and all that they will remember”
Most of us have mistreated those we love. Whether or not that makes our love meaningless is sometimes dependent on another bit of advice I’d like to add to Mr. Henderson’s list, “ sometimes it’s best to forgive”.
That's awesome. Thank you. And remember that the acid - and foolproof - test of the worth of an individual is how they treat waiters and bus staff. In fact, how they treat anyone they perceive to be "of lower station." Hint - anyone who's working a job and doing it well has earned your respect.
Exactly. Bill Gaither had a final test when he was hiring someone. He took them to dinner, if they treated the wait staff badly they didn't get the job.
I had nearly the opposite childhood with a stable, supportive family. Regardless, both parents died early from cancer. We’re all vulnerable. Life’s brevity & fragility led me to Christ for real hope. Your list is solid, thanks for sharing, but hope?
Severely limiting unsolicited advice is probably a good idea in general. But I know a couple of young people who might have avoided problems with drug use if I had not bitten my tongue at a critical time. Sometimes it's worth enduring the resentment. They say you never regret what you did not say, but I have found that not to be true.
#30 is my fav. A very deep insight that reminds me of one of my wife's favorite quotes (author unknown), "Enthusiasm is always greatest at the beginning of an endeavor." Motivation can get you started, but self-discipline is sustaining.
Great list. I make lists (To Do) and enjoy the satisfaction of completing them. I also catch myself enjoying the moment: “what a great room”, “this road is beautiful”, “I am happy where I am”. Happy New Year!
Buy at least two big ugly fire extinguishers. Keep one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom. Hopefully you never need them, but if you do it will be the best hundred dollars you ever spent.
Read all the instructions; also buy an el cheapo to try out -- just to have an idea what it can do an how it does it. (And if your local FD is volunteer, look into joining if possible.)
Regarding #2, giving unsolicited advice: I agree, but there is a material difference between giving unnecessary unsolicited advice because the speaker “knows it all”, and giving it with real empathy for someone in trouble. The former is spoken for the benefit of the speaker; that latter for the benefit of the listener. The former is almost never heard; the latter frequently is.
There are many good items on this list to consider, but the one about self-discipline versus motivation, and the one about envy coming in many guises are particularly true.
Although who the hell keeps a screwdriver in every room? A flashlight sure, but Rob, surely you have a well-organized toolbox in your closet? Come on now man.
Maybe not a screwdriver in every room, but I wholeheartedly recommend keeping a flashlight, pen and paper, nail clippers or emery board, and hand moisturizer in every room. Antibiotic ointment and bandaids, too, but then I have cats.
Cant get behind the cats bit since Im quite allergic, but all those other items I agree with having. Especially flashlights. Constantly had blackouts when I waa a kid due to summer storms. Can never have too many of those.
I can't help juxtaposing self-discipline with the advice about cell phones.
I don't need to sleep with my cell phone out of reach because I have the self-discipline not to reach for it. It helps that I use my phone for only very limited purposes: calls and texts (which are few in number), looking things up when I can't sit at my computer, and puzzle games that I play only in situations of abject boredom.
I don't allow notifications for most things that I don't have to deal with at that exact moment. And I have customized my notification sounds so that most of time I know what a notification is for before I ever pick up my phone.
From my experience, and not being able to speak to Henderson’s, people who are nice to your face but then gossip about you, or men and women who are passive aggressive in their behaviors. People who sabotage your work, or little side comments, sniping, or backhanded compliments. It would generally fall under passive aggression I think, which takes many forms.
Hey Rob, what happened to Rule #2? JK, loved these and many thanks. Will try to follow them but Rule #1 trumps all. Just like my mom always told us - 'Watch what they do, not what they say."
Great writing as always. I regularly remind myself of all the good luck I have: wonderful wife, good weather almost always when travelling and repair people usually show up early in the window. Reminds me to be happy.
I have had more or less the exact same kind of life as the author (I am from Los Angeles, grew up very poor, lived in and out of cars/was homeless, had unstable teen parents, lived on my own at 16, am mixed race Asian-white), except I’m 35, a woman, didn’t join the military and earned both of my degrees at a mediocre state school.
The first and seconds points you make are the most important, while I believe the rest are mostly subjective. One thing growing up hard and fast taught me very quickly was that in the end, the only things that matter are the things that you have done. You can tell someone that you love them until you’re blue in the face but how you treat them is all that matters and all that they will remember.
“You can tell someone that you love them until you’re blue in the face but how you treat them is all that matters and all that they will remember”
Most of us have mistreated those we love. Whether or not that makes our love meaningless is sometimes dependent on another bit of advice I’d like to add to Mr. Henderson’s list, “ sometimes it’s best to forgive”.
Yes. And/or, to know how to meaningfully say, “I’m sorry.”
Great advice!
I would add:
"Effort doesn't always pay off ... but lack of effort never pays off".
lack of effort does not pay off unless you are a member of a favored DEI group
I was going to add, “Unless you are Claudine Gay”, but your comment makes the point more broadly.
I would add money can't by happiness but lack of money can sure sow unhappiness.
Our neighbor lost her husband recently.
His obituary said in lieu of flowers tip the servers in your life well.
That's awesome. Thank you. And remember that the acid - and foolproof - test of the worth of an individual is how they treat waiters and bus staff. In fact, how they treat anyone they perceive to be "of lower station." Hint - anyone who's working a job and doing it well has earned your respect.
Exactly. Bill Gaither had a final test when he was hiring someone. He took them to dinner, if they treated the wait staff badly they didn't get the job.
I like that
I had nearly the opposite childhood with a stable, supportive family. Regardless, both parents died early from cancer. We’re all vulnerable. Life’s brevity & fragility led me to Christ for real hope. Your list is solid, thanks for sharing, but hope?
There’s a lot of wisdom and solace to be found in Christianity. 🙏🏻
Mostly excellent advice.
However, it was unsolicited which violates #2. 😀
It’s not really unsolicited. You voluntarily clicked on the link because you wanted to read his advice. 😉
Severely limiting unsolicited advice is probably a good idea in general. But I know a couple of young people who might have avoided problems with drug use if I had not bitten my tongue at a critical time. Sometimes it's worth enduring the resentment. They say you never regret what you did not say, but I have found that not to be true.
But…I see that he links to another article that he wrote offering some unsolicited advice about unsolicited advice 😂
Hope that irony wasn't lost on him, as he seems like a "good guy."
My favorite is 28. Be kind, but always have a “fuck off” chambered and ready to go just in case.
Too many people walking on egg shells in an attempt not to offend.
Be Good. Not Nice.
This of course doesn’t exempt one from Tact and Politeness 99% of the time.
Ditto
#30 is my fav. A very deep insight that reminds me of one of my wife's favorite quotes (author unknown), "Enthusiasm is always greatest at the beginning of an endeavor." Motivation can get you started, but self-discipline is sustaining.
Great quote Kevin. Self-discipline is what makes rivers flow.
And the intended, or unintended?, alliteration between the bookends, 'Enthusiasm' and 'endeavor', is icing on the cake.
Oh, add the 'beginning' in the middle to the alliteration. Brilliant!
Mine too! Been feeling a loss of motivation in life as of late, but perhaps it’s self discipline that I lack. Reframing this helps.
Great list. I make lists (To Do) and enjoy the satisfaction of completing them. I also catch myself enjoying the moment: “what a great room”, “this road is beautiful”, “I am happy where I am”. Happy New Year!
Buy at least two big ugly fire extinguishers. Keep one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom. Hopefully you never need them, but if you do it will be the best hundred dollars you ever spent.
Read all the instructions; also buy an el cheapo to try out -- just to have an idea what it can do an how it does it. (And if your local FD is volunteer, look into joining if possible.)
Hope for the best. Expect the worst.
Regarding #2, giving unsolicited advice: I agree, but there is a material difference between giving unnecessary unsolicited advice because the speaker “knows it all”, and giving it with real empathy for someone in trouble. The former is spoken for the benefit of the speaker; that latter for the benefit of the listener. The former is almost never heard; the latter frequently is.
Number 19 reminds me of a favorite line from The Imitation of Christ: "Accuse yourself and excuse others".
There are many good items on this list to consider, but the one about self-discipline versus motivation, and the one about envy coming in many guises are particularly true.
Although who the hell keeps a screwdriver in every room? A flashlight sure, but Rob, surely you have a well-organized toolbox in your closet? Come on now man.
Maybe not a screwdriver in every room, but I wholeheartedly recommend keeping a flashlight, pen and paper, nail clippers or emery board, and hand moisturizer in every room. Antibiotic ointment and bandaids, too, but then I have cats.
haha.... I read that as "but then I have cuts"..... i guess it means the same thing... lol
Cant get behind the cats bit since Im quite allergic, but all those other items I agree with having. Especially flashlights. Constantly had blackouts when I waa a kid due to summer storms. Can never have too many of those.
I can't help juxtaposing self-discipline with the advice about cell phones.
I don't need to sleep with my cell phone out of reach because I have the self-discipline not to reach for it. It helps that I use my phone for only very limited purposes: calls and texts (which are few in number), looking things up when I can't sit at my computer, and puzzle games that I play only in situations of abject boredom.
I don't allow notifications for most things that I don't have to deal with at that exact moment. And I have customized my notification sounds so that most of time I know what a notification is for before I ever pick up my phone.
I keep a tape measure in my desk and in the kitchen. It drive my husband crazy, he doesn't understand, but when he needs one....it's there.
I keep Kleenex boxes, tape measures, tape, matches and scissors in multiple locations.
Now that you mention it, I have Kleenex and scissors all over too. It just seemed so normal, I didn't give it a thought.
Be prepared 👍🏻😁
I was a Girl Scout.
Me too!!
What are some of these forms in which envy comes?
From my experience, and not being able to speak to Henderson’s, people who are nice to your face but then gossip about you, or men and women who are passive aggressive in their behaviors. People who sabotage your work, or little side comments, sniping, or backhanded compliments. It would generally fall under passive aggression I think, which takes many forms.
A lot of good advice from the guy who wrote item 2.
Reading this list is a lovely way to start the new year. Thank you, Rob.
Hey Rob, what happened to Rule #2? JK, loved these and many thanks. Will try to follow them but Rule #1 trumps all. Just like my mom always told us - 'Watch what they do, not what they say."
Happy New Year.
Yes.
Or as as my father said to me once (or maybe more..)
‘You’re good at giving advice, now try to listen to it.’
Happy New Year
Good parents are like that. They say what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Good friends are too.
Happy New Year to you. Hoping is healthy too.
Great writing as always. I regularly remind myself of all the good luck I have: wonderful wife, good weather almost always when travelling and repair people usually show up early in the window. Reminds me to be happy.