My "stupid purchase" was buying out my brother and sister's share of my mom's house in the east coast suburbs of NYC when she died of COVID. Both my mom and mother-in-law passed away from COVID within two months of each other. We were both emotional wrecks. We'd been living in San Francisco and a couple months before that our dog had been poisoned by fentanyl someone left on the street, I'd had a bike stolen, someone tried stealing our car (unsuccessful) and we just decided the beauty and good weather of SF wasn't worth the hassle of living there anymore. So I quit my job and we moved.
We were terrified and had buyer's remorse for about a year. Our town is literally 50/50 Republican/Democrat but, as it turns out, moderate. We're a gay couple and so many people told us we were going to be attacked, not fit in, etc. I was very surprised after a couple months when the guy up the street with Trump flags saw me walking the dog and said "where's your better half" and laughed. One of our "neighbors" (the houses are on one acre lots so lots of space between them) brought us fresh tomatoes from their garden. Etc.
We slowly started appreciating our new home. NYC is an hour away when we miss being in an urban area. I got a remote job that lets me work pretty much any hours I choose as long as I finish my projects and attend a weekly staff meeting. The police here prosecute people for shoplifting. If you speed you'll get a ticket--which is great because there's lots of kids playing outside and lots of adults biking, running, etc. The crappy weather has been an adjustment but everything else feels so much better. We have a nice big fenced in yard for our new dog to run around in and the worst thing we have to worry about is that she'll bring us a dead squirrel (she's already brought two).
I find it ironic that the same people who would say 'Maga Trumpers' are evil, would tell you that they are open minded and virtuous. Their are people like this everywhere, conservative or liberal, gay or straight. It's the stereotypes that we ALL have that get in the way. In my experience most people are decent and kind once they get to know you as a person.
I'm so glad you moved. What a beautiful tribute to your mom to want to be where she lived and be part of that community. The "right" people will love you and your partner, accept you, and welcome you in. Just look for those folks! They're everywhere.
Damn your first paragraph both depressed me and gave me anxiety. I'm very sorry for your losses. I'm glad you were able to find some happiness later on in your mom's house out here on the east coast.
Agree. It's not "kind" to let people O.D. on the street. I feel especially bad for the working class people who are at CVS, Walgreens, grocery stores, etc. who have to constantly deal with a barrage of theft, insults, people high on drugs behaving oddly/threateningly, etc. From living in SF I concluded there were three types of homeless: the truly down on their luck/mentally ill who should be given treatment, the hard core drug addicts who should be offered a choice between treatment or jail, and the opportunists who steal and are part of larger crime rings which should be shutdown and participants prosecuted.
Well, just like how Boston has segregated itself into Downtown and Roxbury, MassCass has conveniently packaged a social problem into a nice ,neat package away from the hoi polloi on Beacon Hill and Back Bay to say nothing of the tourists and hedge fund managers in the Seaport District.
I lived in Bostong for 30 years and finally moved out here to western Mass when a gunfight broke out midday on the nice block in the South End behind the Pru, where my wife and I lived with our toddler.
Meanwhile, we have a ridiculous Congressperson who is more proud of being a member of the Squad than the neighborhood she represents.
That's right Timothy, the hypocrisy is amazing. And Healy just sent 100 migrants to Woburn. When will they be going to Beacon Hill? No complaints from her to Biden about the disaster at the border.
Very few know you are a step away in the South End from gun fire and other crime.
You’re right Scott D! I also believe the politicians / city officials should made to be accountable.
Most people just want to feel safe! Go to work, go shop, go to the park / beach, walk or drive home without the fear of being mugged, car jacked or Heaven Forbid shot!
Living in a small town where the police prosecute shoplifting and ticket speeders is a wonderful thing. It gives you a sense of safety and security that the town authorities are concerned about maintaining a certain quality of life and will continue to do so. When life isn't just about protecting yourself, it becomes easier and more joyful. Good for you, Scott.
We picked up and moved from CA to FL a couple yrs ago when the druggies started encroaching on our sleepy suburb and were allowed to take over each bus bench and sleeping in local parks and even the beaches. Our town had historically been known for the tough PD. But lax state and county laws prevail. I was also soured by what I witnessed during the 2020 rioting in L.A. where rioters were allowed to loot, set fire to, and destroy businesses, while the LAPD were filmed just standing there being pelted with rocks and bottles. Then the prolonged Covid shutdown here put a nail in the coffin of countless small businesses. A feeling of malaise blanketed the state. It was a big move but we need to be near ocean, and had visited many times. Since moving, 2 siblings have joined us here. I feel like we've found an oasis. And people are friendlier and more relaxed here. Most interesting of all - we rarely see police and never hear sirens or helicopters.
Not a stupid move at all Scott. Everyone deserves to live in peace and safety.
Max, your essay is a breath of fresh farm air in the craziness of polluted air. Speaking for me, we need more writing about connection, not what pulls us apart.
I’m too scared to take risks in general. I’m scared to make bad decisions I’ll regret. As a result, I regret that choice instead. I regret my career path and that I didn’t have a bigger family. I regret the vacations I missed. But I did it out of some skewed sense of Responsibility, and Doing The Right Thing. I was wrong.
What do they say? Better to regret the things you do than the things you don’t? I never remember that when it matters.
I’m struck by your story as an ode to the survivor: The one left behind after those you loved the most lived their best lives. Yet your lesson is to live the authentic life anyway. I love it. You are a wise and strong soul and you’ll do great things.
Goats!! Not a "stupid purchase" but my own farm fantasy come to life finally at 55: goats, chickens and vegetable plots. My piece of heaven on earth for this former world traveller. It's best to start this life young while you're strong and can produce your own little farmhands since they're hard to hire these days. I just attended a country fair where kids were showing their goats and other projects. Such a good life for families, even if you do need a day job. Sounds like you're on the right track, Max, with inspiration from your dad and brother. Plant trees for them and tell their stories by the fire. Cultivate your garden. Good luck!
In June 2020, two months after my little sister’s death, we bought a cabin in northern Arizona. It was being sold “as is” and fully furnished by an old man days before he passed away. Our realtor thought we were crazy because it needed a ton of work… a time capsule from the late 80s.
But it was Covid, and we were grieving, and we had nothing better to do. So we spent the last three years fixing it up and going through all of the things left in the house. It was like cleaning up after the death of a grandparent except this man wasn’t OUR grandparent. It gave us something productive to do during that weird time and saved our sanity.
PS- land is never a “stupid purchase”. Good for you for taking a leap of faith. It will pay off in spades down the road.
What a beautiful story, Max, thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your losses, and I hope you get lots of chances to sit on that bench and remember those who have passed and enjoy time with those present.
I've been stressing because I want to start a cake-baking business, and am "already in the hole" two cakes in (whatever that means). This is a great reminder that money spent on something you love is not wasted. Maybe two giant sheet cake pans, professional food coloring, edible glitter, and cake boards are stupid purchases, but I hope it brings myself and others joy as I get the privilege of working with my hands, doing something I love.
Go for it Rachel - a suggestion make chiffon cakes people love them chocolate, vanilla or orange butter iced or plain, put them in a white 11 inch box and wrap a ribbon around the box, your hands will be forever busy doing something you really love - God Bless and happy baking
Lovely article Max! And an interesting way to think of "stupid" purchases--"behind every stupid purchase is a human being trying and maybe failing to find his way, to declare his values to a world that doesn’t always listen." Beautiful.
I purchased a used pedal steel guitar in early June without any knowledge of how to play guitar or any other musical instruments at 35. I fell in love with classic country earlier this year and was so entranced by the steel guitar sound--I felt like I HAD to learn. Just about $3k later, I cannot be happier with this purchase! It's given me a very different lease on life, it's humbling and fun to learn something new and difficult, and a lot of my homework is listening to pedal steel. I'm in love!
I paid $750 for a 1965 Dodge Dart when I was in college. Did not even haggle on the price. Drove it across the country and up through Canada. Only broke down three times (on that trip)! Best car I have ever owned.
My own home! A year and a half ago I bought a house at age 24 for 300k. I decided to do it three months before because I wanted to paint my own damn walls and build things. It's not on a vast plot of land, but it's 2000 sq ft with a back deck that leads to the forest that's alllll mine.
You are a gift. Keep sharing in your beautiful way as it connects us all.
Please consider reading “Are You Still Mine?” by Mary Ellen Lukas as it helps me every day make meaningful memories knowing God is truly with us through it all...thank you.
Max, your essay was very refreshing to read and I felt a connection, even though our age difference must be substantial. I purchased our family farm and ranch in Texas 30 years ago and last year finally made a profit! As with most small to medium size agricultural operations, you best have two things.....another source of income and some "hard bark" on ya! I have, what I would call, a moderate size operation that requires at least one other employee (by the way, he has worked for our family for 52 years). My wife has always (kindly) thought it was a "stupid purchase" and many others in my profession (medicine) laughed at the many ways I lost money. However, I felt a connection to the land and it has meant more to me than I can rationally explain, as you tried in your wonderful essay. You have and will continue to find ways to spend money on your property without reasonable monetary return, but the spiritual benefit will be immense. Welcome to the club!
I haven’t made this stupid purchase yet, but it will be close to that tractor…with lawnmower, payloader, and snowblower attachments and a removable cabin enclosure…after I get the land to use it.
Let me-for those interested in the Earth--recommend THE OLD WAYS by the American poet Gary Snyder. Or SILENCE IN THE SNOWY FIELDS by Robert Bly. Or anything by Robinson Jeffers. It is time to abandon the lament and begin the celebration. Time to remember who we are. The stars are beautiful but the "..pearl of great price.." isn't on Mars. It is within us. The "..Kingdom of Heaven is spread out upon the Earth but men do not see it.." And it can't be bought. It was, and is, and will be forever, given freely to those who seek it. It is subjective experience not a theory. Man nurtures the seed and the seed nurtures the man. Return to the field and the pond. Thoreau is waiting there for you.
One of my favorite short stories is by Ted Chiang and is called "The Great Silence." It's told from the point of view of a parrot who is a member of species about to go extinct. The parrot is trying to understand why are we are seeking to contact alien life in space when there is so much life here on earth. https://electricliterature.com/the-great-silence-by-ted-chiang/#article-main-572
It was an MGA when I was in Austin at the U of Texas! It used more oil than gas and I loved it. As an adult child of an alcoholic parent I can so relate to your story. My mom tried to hide our Dad's alcoholism...but. He quit drinking after we were all gone from home. I like to think my greatest "purchase" was having kept my drama/trauma from my kids. Your story was so sad to me I almost couldn't comment but I just wanted to say there are sooooo many good people out there and life is and can be lovely and good and you are making your that way!
In this time the likes of which I've never seen - nor has my oldest friend Jack, now 95 - a time when up is down, black is white, right is wrong, and the Greatest Nation That Ever Was™ seems to be locked on the tracks of a hellbound train, this essay reminds us that Things Matter. Family matters. Right and wrong matter. A sense of purpose matters. And as Oscar Wilde said, every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
I don't tear up easily but I did reading your beautiful essay. Not from pity or sentimentality. From this line: "In this place, I’m going to build my own world, a world big enough for all my memories." Because it is incredible that at age 23 you really understand what it's all about. For Jackson it was about collecting memories from travel and adventure. For others it is collecting memories around a place. Good luck to you and your dreams for Henry Hills. It sounds like you are well on your way.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.... I am 73, and while I did what I wanted to (corporate accountant for 45 years), I still wish I had been a history professor, and I also think I would have been a good farmer. Regrets, perhaps, but not second-guessing. You have to keep the wolf away from the door, but I admire you for trying to do what you truly want.
This message is the real conundrum that must be faced - living free, doing stupid things that make you feel alive, spending money on experiences instead of more crap - and being a solid citizen that saves and exercises caution in all that we do. I feel that tension and pull every day as I get older and see the outcomes in the lives of my parents. Regret is the worse emotion, but maybe there is no escaping a small dose of it.
A great story, greater because it's true. It begs the question: what is life about anyway? Our days are numbered, but be they long or short, they should be lived and not just endured. Putting off that trip, purchase, relationship, or reconciliation until conditions are better is a mistake. Who knows how much time is left.
“I know now that stupid purchases are a privilege—no, a miracle. I know that behind every stupid purchase is a human being trying and maybe failing to find his way, to declare his values to a world that doesn’t always listen.”
We are listening. And that’s why I like the Free Press. Keep sharing.
Yes, I’d guess she’s very much alive and nearby. She has given everything for her family and lost so much. May God give her provision, peace of mind, warm memories and a host of good times with her son.
I completely fail to understand how Meyer manages to both acknowledge the havoc his father's "stupid purchases" wreaked on his mother, and then go on to romanticize what his father did. He himself is in a position to spend his money without financially ruining other people, and good luck to him with the farm. But I'm not seeing anything to aspire to in his father's behavior.
I struggle with this part of the story also. I just can’t be happy for a man that deserted his wife and young family to follow his dream to live in a boat in florida. While they shivered in the winter, scrimped and I’m sure had anxiety over the bills while working part time. 4 kids! I hope max you look to mon as inspiration as much as dad. She is the true hero
I disagree. It sounds like he is close to his mom.and she gets the reassurance of having her son nearby, at least part of the time. He is at peace with a difficult father - that is a gift in and of itself I think. The problem with resenting a parent or parents' conduct is ultimately you are resenting that from which you came - IOW yourself.
It’s perfectly okay to resent a parent. What this man did to his family was unacceptable and unforgivable. The mom should have divorced him and cut him off financially. It sounds like she just “told him to leave”, which he did. But why pay his taxes? Why put herself and the kids into financial straits for him? That part doesn’t make sense to me. As for “denying yourself”, well, no one asks to be born. No one chooses their parents. You’re stuck with them. We’ve never had alcoholism in our family, and I’m sure it’s a terrible burden to be stuck with, but it’s still no excuse for giving the alcoholic free rein to “make stupid purchases” and live out a dream that causes their family suffering.
That is non-responsive to my comment. Which I stand by. Resentment is easy. Acceptance not so much. And bitterness, as they say, only harms the one harboring the resentment.
I agree; it seems there should have been some legal way for her to get out of responsibility for his taxes. Even if they weren't divorced. The boat was in his name. Never having been married, I don't fully understand how debts and things like that work, but it seems fundamentally unfair. The tax burden should have been on the husband alone.
Life is tricky. People are even even trickier. Flaws, as often, present as superpowers and vice versa. Best we can do is live to learn. . . then buy the farm
Living here on the border of New Hampshire and Vermont, I know several gentlemen farmers. Interestingly, their sons have taken over the farms. These sons seem outwardly happy and they have willingness to make the farms productive (seemingly successful at that). I learned to never discount someone else's dreams. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that does. That culture values a thin slice of human potential and puts it on a pedestal. I traveled, sailed, worked in different parts of the economy, studied and eventually landed a PhD. Most of all I learned how to become a father, husband and gain relative independence from corporate America. That was my path............but many have been critical of it favoring the rat race and a hope of living well at the end of life. I think you are on your way to figuring it out..............hope the best for you Max.
Henry Hills makes a fitting tribute for your brother. There is precedent -- the summit of Scafell Peak in the Lake District was given to the nation in memory of the men from Lake District who fell in WW1. It makes one of largest war memorials in the UK, if not the world.
Thank you for the lovely essay and enjoy farming on your brother's memorial farm.
In a society where depression and medication are widespread, your decision to find solace through purchasing a farm as a tribute to your brother and the challenges of your upbringing is admirable. Here's to a fresh start and hoping that your farm provides you with a sense of grounding and mental clarity. Best wishes for this new chapter in your life.
This article really got to me. I'm sorry for his loss. My mom and her family were from Iowa which is a place I spent summers with my grandparents and dearly love. Since it's not a tourist destination I think a lot of people have preconceived notions about what it is like (classic flyover country). I see he is the same young man who wrote about lake of the ozarks which I also loved and shared with friends. Please-- more from this young man! He gives me hope for his generation (also my son and daughter's)
At the bottom of this beautiful, poignant, sad yet hopeful story is an invitation to read Max’s other work. When I clicked I realized I already had, but hadn’t made the connection.
Another piece by a very talented young writer. Thank you.
It’s not even 7 A.M. here in Texas and I’m already overwhelmed by the kind notes I’ve received and thoughtful comments.
If anyone would like to share their own “stupid purchases” that inspire you, I’m sure others would be eager to hear them.
What’s your greatest stupid purchase?
My "stupid purchase" was buying out my brother and sister's share of my mom's house in the east coast suburbs of NYC when she died of COVID. Both my mom and mother-in-law passed away from COVID within two months of each other. We were both emotional wrecks. We'd been living in San Francisco and a couple months before that our dog had been poisoned by fentanyl someone left on the street, I'd had a bike stolen, someone tried stealing our car (unsuccessful) and we just decided the beauty and good weather of SF wasn't worth the hassle of living there anymore. So I quit my job and we moved.
We were terrified and had buyer's remorse for about a year. Our town is literally 50/50 Republican/Democrat but, as it turns out, moderate. We're a gay couple and so many people told us we were going to be attacked, not fit in, etc. I was very surprised after a couple months when the guy up the street with Trump flags saw me walking the dog and said "where's your better half" and laughed. One of our "neighbors" (the houses are on one acre lots so lots of space between them) brought us fresh tomatoes from their garden. Etc.
We slowly started appreciating our new home. NYC is an hour away when we miss being in an urban area. I got a remote job that lets me work pretty much any hours I choose as long as I finish my projects and attend a weekly staff meeting. The police here prosecute people for shoplifting. If you speed you'll get a ticket--which is great because there's lots of kids playing outside and lots of adults biking, running, etc. The crappy weather has been an adjustment but everything else feels so much better. We have a nice big fenced in yard for our new dog to run around in and the worst thing we have to worry about is that she'll bring us a dead squirrel (she's already brought two).
I find it ironic that the same people who would say 'Maga Trumpers' are evil, would tell you that they are open minded and virtuous. Their are people like this everywhere, conservative or liberal, gay or straight. It's the stereotypes that we ALL have that get in the way. In my experience most people are decent and kind once they get to know you as a person.
We are much better as a whole when we look at/consider the individuals and not the group or the labels.
I'm so glad you moved. What a beautiful tribute to your mom to want to be where she lived and be part of that community. The "right" people will love you and your partner, accept you, and welcome you in. Just look for those folks! They're everywhere.
Damn your first paragraph both depressed me and gave me anxiety. I'm very sorry for your losses. I'm glad you were able to find some happiness later on in your mom's house out here on the east coast.
It's so sad what's become of San Francisco.
Agree. It's not "kind" to let people O.D. on the street. I feel especially bad for the working class people who are at CVS, Walgreens, grocery stores, etc. who have to constantly deal with a barrage of theft, insults, people high on drugs behaving oddly/threateningly, etc. From living in SF I concluded there were three types of homeless: the truly down on their luck/mentally ill who should be given treatment, the hard core drug addicts who should be offered a choice between treatment or jail, and the opportunists who steal and are part of larger crime rings which should be shutdown and participants prosecuted.
There are always those three types of homeless as you mention.
Most people want to help the first group.
Most people agree with your choice A or B option for you 2nd group.
Most people agree about the third group.
Apparently, nothing is being done about any of those groups in SF and the government doesn't care what happens to its citizens.
Just look at here in Boston. We have our own problem called Mass Cass, although not as bad as SF. The city refuses to do anything about.
Well, just like how Boston has segregated itself into Downtown and Roxbury, MassCass has conveniently packaged a social problem into a nice ,neat package away from the hoi polloi on Beacon Hill and Back Bay to say nothing of the tourists and hedge fund managers in the Seaport District.
I lived in Bostong for 30 years and finally moved out here to western Mass when a gunfight broke out midday on the nice block in the South End behind the Pru, where my wife and I lived with our toddler.
Meanwhile, we have a ridiculous Congressperson who is more proud of being a member of the Squad than the neighborhood she represents.
That's right Timothy, the hypocrisy is amazing. And Healy just sent 100 migrants to Woburn. When will they be going to Beacon Hill? No complaints from her to Biden about the disaster at the border.
Very few know you are a step away in the South End from gun fire and other crime.
What’s the common denominator the color “Blue?”
YUP
You’re right Scott D! I also believe the politicians / city officials should made to be accountable.
Most people just want to feel safe! Go to work, go shop, go to the park / beach, walk or drive home without the fear of being mugged, car jacked or Heaven Forbid shot!
Living in a small town where the police prosecute shoplifting and ticket speeders is a wonderful thing. It gives you a sense of safety and security that the town authorities are concerned about maintaining a certain quality of life and will continue to do so. When life isn't just about protecting yourself, it becomes easier and more joyful. Good for you, Scott.
The 2nd to last sentence is the most profound thing I've read in years. So absolutely true.
We picked up and moved from CA to FL a couple yrs ago when the druggies started encroaching on our sleepy suburb and were allowed to take over each bus bench and sleeping in local parks and even the beaches. Our town had historically been known for the tough PD. But lax state and county laws prevail. I was also soured by what I witnessed during the 2020 rioting in L.A. where rioters were allowed to loot, set fire to, and destroy businesses, while the LAPD were filmed just standing there being pelted with rocks and bottles. Then the prolonged Covid shutdown here put a nail in the coffin of countless small businesses. A feeling of malaise blanketed the state. It was a big move but we need to be near ocean, and had visited many times. Since moving, 2 siblings have joined us here. I feel like we've found an oasis. And people are friendlier and more relaxed here. Most interesting of all - we rarely see police and never hear sirens or helicopters.
Not a stupid move at all Scott. Everyone deserves to live in peace and safety.
Enjoy Scott it sounds anything but stupid!
Great story, Scott D, thanks for sharing!
Max, your essay is a breath of fresh farm air in the craziness of polluted air. Speaking for me, we need more writing about connection, not what pulls us apart.
I’m too scared to take risks in general. I’m scared to make bad decisions I’ll regret. As a result, I regret that choice instead. I regret my career path and that I didn’t have a bigger family. I regret the vacations I missed. But I did it out of some skewed sense of Responsibility, and Doing The Right Thing. I was wrong.
What do they say? Better to regret the things you do than the things you don’t? I never remember that when it matters.
I’m struck by your story as an ode to the survivor: The one left behind after those you loved the most lived their best lives. Yet your lesson is to live the authentic life anyway. I love it. You are a wise and strong soul and you’ll do great things.
Your comment speaks volumes!! Ditto!! All the Best, Max!!!
Goats!! Not a "stupid purchase" but my own farm fantasy come to life finally at 55: goats, chickens and vegetable plots. My piece of heaven on earth for this former world traveller. It's best to start this life young while you're strong and can produce your own little farmhands since they're hard to hire these days. I just attended a country fair where kids were showing their goats and other projects. Such a good life for families, even if you do need a day job. Sounds like you're on the right track, Max, with inspiration from your dad and brother. Plant trees for them and tell their stories by the fire. Cultivate your garden. Good luck!
In June 2020, two months after my little sister’s death, we bought a cabin in northern Arizona. It was being sold “as is” and fully furnished by an old man days before he passed away. Our realtor thought we were crazy because it needed a ton of work… a time capsule from the late 80s.
But it was Covid, and we were grieving, and we had nothing better to do. So we spent the last three years fixing it up and going through all of the things left in the house. It was like cleaning up after the death of a grandparent except this man wasn’t OUR grandparent. It gave us something productive to do during that weird time and saved our sanity.
PS- land is never a “stupid purchase”. Good for you for taking a leap of faith. It will pay off in spades down the road.
Beautiful post!
Thanks for sharing, Stephanie Lyons!
What a beautiful story, Max, thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your losses, and I hope you get lots of chances to sit on that bench and remember those who have passed and enjoy time with those present.
I've been stressing because I want to start a cake-baking business, and am "already in the hole" two cakes in (whatever that means). This is a great reminder that money spent on something you love is not wasted. Maybe two giant sheet cake pans, professional food coloring, edible glitter, and cake boards are stupid purchases, but I hope it brings myself and others joy as I get the privilege of working with my hands, doing something I love.
Go for it Rachel - a suggestion make chiffon cakes people love them chocolate, vanilla or orange butter iced or plain, put them in a white 11 inch box and wrap a ribbon around the box, your hands will be forever busy doing something you really love - God Bless and happy baking
Lovely article Max! And an interesting way to think of "stupid" purchases--"behind every stupid purchase is a human being trying and maybe failing to find his way, to declare his values to a world that doesn’t always listen." Beautiful.
I purchased a used pedal steel guitar in early June without any knowledge of how to play guitar or any other musical instruments at 35. I fell in love with classic country earlier this year and was so entranced by the steel guitar sound--I felt like I HAD to learn. Just about $3k later, I cannot be happier with this purchase! It's given me a very different lease on life, it's humbling and fun to learn something new and difficult, and a lot of my homework is listening to pedal steel. I'm in love!
Good for you, Romona! Keep practicing & enjoying!
Enjoy!
I paid $750 for a 1965 Dodge Dart when I was in college. Did not even haggle on the price. Drove it across the country and up through Canada. Only broke down three times (on that trip)! Best car I have ever owned.
6 cylinder, 3 on the tree, with a 2 barrel carburetor. Been there.
Slant six!
They had to in order to get it under the hood.
Recap tires were 15 bucks. AC was the wing window.
Maybe it was ours! :) We sold it in the early 1980s... SF Bay Area... kind of aqua blue (plus some rust) ... ?
Mine was midnight blue with a little rust but bought in Oregon.
SP, sounds like that was NOT a “stupid purchase” and made for a great memory & great story! Thanks for sharing!
My own home! A year and a half ago I bought a house at age 24 for 300k. I decided to do it three months before because I wanted to paint my own damn walls and build things. It's not on a vast plot of land, but it's 2000 sq ft with a back deck that leads to the forest that's alllll mine.
Good for you, A D, enjoy making memories in your new home!
You are a gift. Keep sharing in your beautiful way as it connects us all.
Please consider reading “Are You Still Mine?” by Mary Ellen Lukas as it helps me every day make meaningful memories knowing God is truly with us through it all...thank you.
I bought a house in a tiny town in Sicily, funded an art project, and paid for a documentary. It was fun!
Max, your essay was very refreshing to read and I felt a connection, even though our age difference must be substantial. I purchased our family farm and ranch in Texas 30 years ago and last year finally made a profit! As with most small to medium size agricultural operations, you best have two things.....another source of income and some "hard bark" on ya! I have, what I would call, a moderate size operation that requires at least one other employee (by the way, he has worked for our family for 52 years). My wife has always (kindly) thought it was a "stupid purchase" and many others in my profession (medicine) laughed at the many ways I lost money. However, I felt a connection to the land and it has meant more to me than I can rationally explain, as you tried in your wonderful essay. You have and will continue to find ways to spend money on your property without reasonable monetary return, but the spiritual benefit will be immense. Welcome to the club!
I haven’t made this stupid purchase yet, but it will be close to that tractor…with lawnmower, payloader, and snowblower attachments and a removable cabin enclosure…after I get the land to use it.
Let me-for those interested in the Earth--recommend THE OLD WAYS by the American poet Gary Snyder. Or SILENCE IN THE SNOWY FIELDS by Robert Bly. Or anything by Robinson Jeffers. It is time to abandon the lament and begin the celebration. Time to remember who we are. The stars are beautiful but the "..pearl of great price.." isn't on Mars. It is within us. The "..Kingdom of Heaven is spread out upon the Earth but men do not see it.." And it can't be bought. It was, and is, and will be forever, given freely to those who seek it. It is subjective experience not a theory. Man nurtures the seed and the seed nurtures the man. Return to the field and the pond. Thoreau is waiting there for you.
One of my favorite short stories is by Ted Chiang and is called "The Great Silence." It's told from the point of view of a parrot who is a member of species about to go extinct. The parrot is trying to understand why are we are seeking to contact alien life in space when there is so much life here on earth. https://electricliterature.com/the-great-silence-by-ted-chiang/#article-main-572
It was an MGA when I was in Austin at the U of Texas! It used more oil than gas and I loved it. As an adult child of an alcoholic parent I can so relate to your story. My mom tried to hide our Dad's alcoholism...but. He quit drinking after we were all gone from home. I like to think my greatest "purchase" was having kept my drama/trauma from my kids. Your story was so sad to me I almost couldn't comment but I just wanted to say there are sooooo many good people out there and life is and can be lovely and good and you are making your that way!
Sounds like you doing good Crazy Hair, keep going!
Why thank you Skinny...I'm trying!
Max - Great essay about your life journey. May God continue to bless you and protect you.
In this time the likes of which I've never seen - nor has my oldest friend Jack, now 95 - a time when up is down, black is white, right is wrong, and the Greatest Nation That Ever Was™ seems to be locked on the tracks of a hellbound train, this essay reminds us that Things Matter. Family matters. Right and wrong matter. A sense of purpose matters. And as Oscar Wilde said, every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
Thank you, Jim! Great post
I don't tear up easily but I did reading your beautiful essay. Not from pity or sentimentality. From this line: "In this place, I’m going to build my own world, a world big enough for all my memories." Because it is incredible that at age 23 you really understand what it's all about. For Jackson it was about collecting memories from travel and adventure. For others it is collecting memories around a place. Good luck to you and your dreams for Henry Hills. It sounds like you are well on your way.
Beautiful essay. Best of luck with your new land, which clearly keeps you rooted to your family, regardless of your path.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.... I am 73, and while I did what I wanted to (corporate accountant for 45 years), I still wish I had been a history professor, and I also think I would have been a good farmer. Regrets, perhaps, but not second-guessing. You have to keep the wolf away from the door, but I admire you for trying to do what you truly want.
Steve Adams
It’s an American dream is old is the country itself. He literally bet the farm. Best of luck to him.
This message is the real conundrum that must be faced - living free, doing stupid things that make you feel alive, spending money on experiences instead of more crap - and being a solid citizen that saves and exercises caution in all that we do. I feel that tension and pull every day as I get older and see the outcomes in the lives of my parents. Regret is the worse emotion, but maybe there is no escaping a small dose of it.
A great story, greater because it's true. It begs the question: what is life about anyway? Our days are numbered, but be they long or short, they should be lived and not just endured. Putting off that trip, purchase, relationship, or reconciliation until conditions are better is a mistake. Who knows how much time is left.
“I know now that stupid purchases are a privilege—no, a miracle. I know that behind every stupid purchase is a human being trying and maybe failing to find his way, to declare his values to a world that doesn’t always listen.”
We are listening. And that’s why I like the Free Press. Keep sharing.
What happened to the Mom? Seems like the real story is the sacrifice of Mom. Everyone around her is chasing tragic dreams and she picks up the pieces.
Yes, I’d guess she’s very much alive and nearby. She has given everything for her family and lost so much. May God give her provision, peace of mind, warm memories and a host of good times with her son.
Yeah, what "stupid purchases" did she have to refrain from making because everyone was depending on her to be the stable base?
STOP THIS NONSENSE!
I completely fail to understand how Meyer manages to both acknowledge the havoc his father's "stupid purchases" wreaked on his mother, and then go on to romanticize what his father did. He himself is in a position to spend his money without financially ruining other people, and good luck to him with the farm. But I'm not seeing anything to aspire to in his father's behavior.
I struggle with this part of the story also. I just can’t be happy for a man that deserted his wife and young family to follow his dream to live in a boat in florida. While they shivered in the winter, scrimped and I’m sure had anxiety over the bills while working part time. 4 kids! I hope max you look to mon as inspiration as much as dad. She is the true hero
he didn't say his father deserted them. He said that his mother and father agreed that his farther needed to leave.
I disagree. It sounds like he is close to his mom.and she gets the reassurance of having her son nearby, at least part of the time. He is at peace with a difficult father - that is a gift in and of itself I think. The problem with resenting a parent or parents' conduct is ultimately you are resenting that from which you came - IOW yourself.
It’s perfectly okay to resent a parent. What this man did to his family was unacceptable and unforgivable. The mom should have divorced him and cut him off financially. It sounds like she just “told him to leave”, which he did. But why pay his taxes? Why put herself and the kids into financial straits for him? That part doesn’t make sense to me. As for “denying yourself”, well, no one asks to be born. No one chooses their parents. You’re stuck with them. We’ve never had alcoholism in our family, and I’m sure it’s a terrible burden to be stuck with, but it’s still no excuse for giving the alcoholic free rein to “make stupid purchases” and live out a dream that causes their family suffering.
That is non-responsive to my comment. Which I stand by. Resentment is easy. Acceptance not so much. And bitterness, as they say, only harms the one harboring the resentment.
I agree; it seems there should have been some legal way for her to get out of responsibility for his taxes. Even if they weren't divorced. The boat was in his name. Never having been married, I don't fully understand how debts and things like that work, but it seems fundamentally unfair. The tax burden should have been on the husband alone.
Life is tricky. People are even even trickier. Flaws, as often, present as superpowers and vice versa. Best we can do is live to learn. . . then buy the farm
Yeah, good question.
Living here on the border of New Hampshire and Vermont, I know several gentlemen farmers. Interestingly, their sons have taken over the farms. These sons seem outwardly happy and they have willingness to make the farms productive (seemingly successful at that). I learned to never discount someone else's dreams. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that does. That culture values a thin slice of human potential and puts it on a pedestal. I traveled, sailed, worked in different parts of the economy, studied and eventually landed a PhD. Most of all I learned how to become a father, husband and gain relative independence from corporate America. That was my path............but many have been critical of it favoring the rat race and a hope of living well at the end of life. I think you are on your way to figuring it out..............hope the best for you Max.
Even if you win the rat-race.... You're still a rat.
Yes, Dave, and thanks for your post!
Henry Hills makes a fitting tribute for your brother. There is precedent -- the summit of Scafell Peak in the Lake District was given to the nation in memory of the men from Lake District who fell in WW1. It makes one of largest war memorials in the UK, if not the world.
Thank you for the lovely essay and enjoy farming on your brother's memorial farm.
In a society where depression and medication are widespread, your decision to find solace through purchasing a farm as a tribute to your brother and the challenges of your upbringing is admirable. Here's to a fresh start and hoping that your farm provides you with a sense of grounding and mental clarity. Best wishes for this new chapter in your life.
This article really got to me. I'm sorry for his loss. My mom and her family were from Iowa which is a place I spent summers with my grandparents and dearly love. Since it's not a tourist destination I think a lot of people have preconceived notions about what it is like (classic flyover country). I see he is the same young man who wrote about lake of the ozarks which I also loved and shared with friends. Please-- more from this young man! He gives me hope for his generation (also my son and daughter's)
"Remember you will die"
This essay is a great reminder to live. Even if people think you "stupid".
At the bottom of this beautiful, poignant, sad yet hopeful story is an invitation to read Max’s other work. When I clicked I realized I already had, but hadn’t made the connection.
Another piece by a very talented young writer. Thank you.
Neither did I. That Maga Hamptoms piece was fabulous! @Max - another beautiful essay! Henry Hills sounds and looks amazing....